The Game of Love

After a long relationship, there is a period where you just start to date.  Well, I wouldn't call it dating, more like seeing.  I can remember being in a relationship about a year with someone I intended to marry and it ended, so it took me a bit before I dated again.  I started to date a few months later.  The guy, whom I'd had a relationship with in the past, was someone I was dating "on the rebound" as they say.  I've come to realize why that word is used.  Relationships, mostly in the dating phase, are a game.  Much to the chagrin of many people, it is definitely a strategy.  If you are able to master that strategy and make the dating part of your relationship work, you can move on from that part of the game to the next phase.  I think, pretty much by then, you know that you've found your partner.  When I was dating my rebound guy, I met another guy who I ended up marrying and we've been together for 15 years.  My husband and I mastered that game, and have gone through that phase.  There is a difference between games, of course, and "the game."  Games, which is definitely plural, means that the person you're seeing or dating is probably either dating another person or other persons, or they are leading you on with no option of any significant future.  This could mean that you are Miss Right Now, and when another Miss Right Now comes along, you will be thrown to the curb.  Some men are just fickle asswipes that way, to put it bluntly.  Those who've encountered men like that will certainly know.  I've encountered men like that, and they suck! 

Another part of the relationship is finding common interests with the person with whom you're dating.  You can have great compatibility when it comes to your sexual chemistry and have jack-shit to talk about, which means you will eventually become nothing but the occasional "booty call."  Being compatible and being able to have activities outside of the bedroom increases your chances of furthering the relationship.  It can also help you to get to know his friends, and likewise with yours.  You have to watch for men who play the jealous card.  I can recall my ex-boyfriend being so jealous that, when he brought me to parties around his friends, he would start a fight with someone just for looking at me.  That is definitely the red flag to find the exit door and leave that relationship.  There is no room in anyone's life for that kind of torment, no matter how much money he makes, how cute he is or how great the sex is.  Sometimes, you have to watch your friends around your man.  I've had experiences with friends who thought it was their mission in life to express their anger and jealousy over my relationships.  You have to pick and choose your friends, or at least keep them at arms length when it comes to some situations.  I think that goes the same way for men and their friends.

It's surprising how much we are willing to tolerate when for the person we love.  We can spoonfeed ourselves mouthfulls of crap until we turn green for someone who could be completely toxic.  Take for instance, I know a person who was dating a guy for more than a few years.  This guy a had a couple kids and was still married.  This person allowed this guy to move in to her house because he promised to break up with his wife and divorce her.  With this promise in mind, this person allowed his two children to stay at her house on the weekends.  Eventually he divorced his wife, but for most of the relationship he was stringing the ex-wife along and cheating on this person.  Eventually she broke up with him, but it took a maximum amount of pain before that action was taken.  This is another red flag that you have to look out for.  Do not date married men, because it almost never works out.  No matter what they tell you, for most of the situations, they have no intentions of leaving their wives.  They are, as I said in the first paragraph, playing games.  These are men who always think that the grass is greener on the other side.  They are manipulative and they have something missing in their lives.  This person, was an unfortunate individual who was confronted with that type of relationship and succumbed to it.  This doesn't make her a bad person; it makes her someone who had an important life lesson that changed her for the better.  When the chips were down, she folded and left.

Those in a long-term relationship are definitely aware that it includes a very involved amount of balance and strategy.  This balance and strategy are the most important parts of the relationship game.  In the beginning of a relationship, you have an intense, integral time that is very vital in establishing the foundation or groundwork.  Nurturing the relationship helps that foundation take hold and really helps you grow together as a couple.  Once you make that establishment, you are able to share other important parts of your life.  Important parts like your family, friends, and even your work.  This is a natural progression and it keeps a healthy balance between the two of you.  You have to remember to take time for each other, from time to time, with the same wonder and happiness that you had when your relationship began.  Never let your relationship's flame burn out and become joyless.  We live in a very busy and fast-paced culture, where we tend to forget our significant others.  Sometimes we remember the obligations that we have in every other place, but the ones that are the most important.  Love always needs tender nurturing, no matter how long you've been together or have been married.  Open communication, friendship, honesty, and integrity are just as important as the physical acts of intimacy.  Keeping faith and trust in each other is a definitely building block in a healthy commitment.  In conclusion, enjoy each other, because that is the most important part of love.  You need to have that chemistry to grow together.