Socially Muted

I was reading my health book and it was talking about the health benefits of having a healthy social life.  After considering all of the points that were discussed within that part of the chapter I thought, "Do I have a social life?"  Unfortunately, I realized, my answer was no.  Since June, things have been very quiet for me.  Well, not really quiet, but socially quiet.  Gradually I have become a social introvert.  This isn't to say that I am a complete introvert, because I interact with my peers on campus and through academic circles.  Since my life was turned upside down, I've lost a sense of community in the way of friendships.  Even my existing friendships probably question my reliability these days.  By my own admission, I am completely selfish as of late.  I feel like a failure to some of my friends, because of my emotional unavailability.  Everything seems more and more tedious as time goes on.  When we're kids, socializing was an easy task.  You didn't really feel the need to sequester yourself, unless there was something really wrong.  As an adult, it's even harder, because socializing is a difficult maze.  It's not the difficult task that you had to overcome in high school, but it's still challenging.

As humans, we live in a world of judgment and we evaluate the people we surround ourselves with.  As time wore on, I felt that my feelings were better left to myself.  Another part of my life felt the need to seek structure and social obligations seemed to be beyond my control.  I didn't want to feel prone or vulnerable, which is part of extending yourself.  This is most definitely a self-preservation action and I'm not proud of it.  I have heard that the longer you sequester or isolate yourself from others, the harder it is to rejoin or reconnect with them.  The theory is that you can unlearn the social aspects of your personality and you have to reteach yourself these lessons.  Maybe I need to find some time of rejuvenation or some type of renewal that will make me feel better about life in that respect.  That's one of the reasons that I joined a club at the college finally.  It was something that was completely out of my comfort zone and it caused me to deal with people that I had never met before.  Shedding a light on my self-confidence may be the key that I am looking for, and hopefully the rest will fall into place.  You never really have a map of how to live your life.  Interactions with people are a gamble and giving of yourself can sometimes be an acceptable risk.

College Radio (A Mobile Blog)

Today I finally got my time slot as a DJ for my college's radio station, WOCC Viking Radio. I'm really psyched about this, because this is an opportunity to try out my communications skills. If I love it, I will follow up with more work. I'm going to broadcast on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I'm going to have a mix of metal, classic rock, modern rock, pop, R&B, and even some country for good measure. Being that my music is planned, I will take requests in advance of my broadcasts. I have to find a cool name for my show, so I am going to think about that for a couple days.  Something creative will come to me, I'm sure.  I will definitely share my simulcasting links, times, twitter information, and other goodies as soon as possible. This is really exciting and I hope you'll tune in to share all of the fun with me!
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Catching Up (A Journal Entry)

I figured I would write a blog post about myself.  I haven't really written a journal post in a while.  It's the 15th Wedding Anniversary for Donald and me!  I can't believe it!  time has passed by so quickly that it's unbelievable.  I love him so much and I love him more and more every day.  Well, I have my chance for the college radio station finally.  I go for the orientation tomorrow.  It's very exciting.  I've always loved music and wanted to have some part in it.  Being a musician wasn't really my forte, and I wasn't really keen on working as a journalist for the school paper.  I love to write, but I have my issues about working in parameters.  Besides, I would only want to be a music journalist anyway.  One of the former writers for the paper is someone that runs in my circles, but I really don't talk to her.  Friends of mine do though.  She usually goes to concerts that I attend for Richard Marx or Vertical Horizon.  She is a Vertical Horizon junkie in fact.  She writes for an internet magazine that has to do with music.  All I know is that she pushed me out of the way to get her Burning the Days disc signed when I was in Philadelphia, which I didn't really appreciate.  My husband witnessed it, and he kinda rolled his eyes.  That is a whole other story!  I digress, because the school paper just doesn't work for me.  I think the novelty of playing all different kinds of music on a radio show gives me a chance to have more fun.  We'll see how everything goes, because I'm really eager to try out.

I had a great day of classes.  I passed with very good grades on my biology exams.  I was pleased that all of my study efforts paid off.  Basically, I spent the last couple days studying for this test.  I usually read the chapters and go over my notes lightly throughout the week, and save the harder studying for the last two days.  It really solidifies the material for me.  Algebra worked out for me as well.  I was finally able to work out some equations that were giving me some trouble and now I think I've got the hang of it.  Math is not my favorite subject in the world to say the least!  I would rather take an extra English class.  Since it's a required course, I will tolerate it and swallow the horribleness until the end of the semester.  I have a paper to write on King John, and I am still rolling around ideas in my head.  I'm going to write the thesis this weekend.  I love my professor for this course.  She's really great!  I love anything to do with English royal literature or drama, so this really scratches me right where I itch.  I think one of the best things that happened to me today though was my grant!  I got a sizeable grant that will pay for most of my education!  You have no idea how happy this makes me.  This pretty much made my month and maybe the rest of my year.  Now, I'm just waiting for October 1st!  That's when I go to see the Duo show in Englewood, New Jersey.  This is a Richard Marx/Matt Scannell show.  I'm meeting many friends for dinner before the show.  It's going to rock!  That's all I have for today.  Love ya!

The Game of Love

After a long relationship, there is a period where you just start to date.  Well, I wouldn't call it dating, more like seeing.  I can remember being in a relationship about a year with someone I intended to marry and it ended, so it took me a bit before I dated again.  I started to date a few months later.  The guy, whom I'd had a relationship with in the past, was someone I was dating "on the rebound" as they say.  I've come to realize why that word is used.  Relationships, mostly in the dating phase, are a game.  Much to the chagrin of many people, it is definitely a strategy.  If you are able to master that strategy and make the dating part of your relationship work, you can move on from that part of the game to the next phase.  I think, pretty much by then, you know that you've found your partner.  When I was dating my rebound guy, I met another guy who I ended up marrying and we've been together for 15 years.  My husband and I mastered that game, and have gone through that phase.  There is a difference between games, of course, and "the game."  Games, which is definitely plural, means that the person you're seeing or dating is probably either dating another person or other persons, or they are leading you on with no option of any significant future.  This could mean that you are Miss Right Now, and when another Miss Right Now comes along, you will be thrown to the curb.  Some men are just fickle asswipes that way, to put it bluntly.  Those who've encountered men like that will certainly know.  I've encountered men like that, and they suck! 

Another part of the relationship is finding common interests with the person with whom you're dating.  You can have great compatibility when it comes to your sexual chemistry and have jack-shit to talk about, which means you will eventually become nothing but the occasional "booty call."  Being compatible and being able to have activities outside of the bedroom increases your chances of furthering the relationship.  It can also help you to get to know his friends, and likewise with yours.  You have to watch for men who play the jealous card.  I can recall my ex-boyfriend being so jealous that, when he brought me to parties around his friends, he would start a fight with someone just for looking at me.  That is definitely the red flag to find the exit door and leave that relationship.  There is no room in anyone's life for that kind of torment, no matter how much money he makes, how cute he is or how great the sex is.  Sometimes, you have to watch your friends around your man.  I've had experiences with friends who thought it was their mission in life to express their anger and jealousy over my relationships.  You have to pick and choose your friends, or at least keep them at arms length when it comes to some situations.  I think that goes the same way for men and their friends.

It's surprising how much we are willing to tolerate when for the person we love.  We can spoonfeed ourselves mouthfulls of crap until we turn green for someone who could be completely toxic.  Take for instance, I know a person who was dating a guy for more than a few years.  This guy a had a couple kids and was still married.  This person allowed this guy to move in to her house because he promised to break up with his wife and divorce her.  With this promise in mind, this person allowed his two children to stay at her house on the weekends.  Eventually he divorced his wife, but for most of the relationship he was stringing the ex-wife along and cheating on this person.  Eventually she broke up with him, but it took a maximum amount of pain before that action was taken.  This is another red flag that you have to look out for.  Do not date married men, because it almost never works out.  No matter what they tell you, for most of the situations, they have no intentions of leaving their wives.  They are, as I said in the first paragraph, playing games.  These are men who always think that the grass is greener on the other side.  They are manipulative and they have something missing in their lives.  This person, was an unfortunate individual who was confronted with that type of relationship and succumbed to it.  This doesn't make her a bad person; it makes her someone who had an important life lesson that changed her for the better.  When the chips were down, she folded and left.

Those in a long-term relationship are definitely aware that it includes a very involved amount of balance and strategy.  This balance and strategy are the most important parts of the relationship game.  In the beginning of a relationship, you have an intense, integral time that is very vital in establishing the foundation or groundwork.  Nurturing the relationship helps that foundation take hold and really helps you grow together as a couple.  Once you make that establishment, you are able to share other important parts of your life.  Important parts like your family, friends, and even your work.  This is a natural progression and it keeps a healthy balance between the two of you.  You have to remember to take time for each other, from time to time, with the same wonder and happiness that you had when your relationship began.  Never let your relationship's flame burn out and become joyless.  We live in a very busy and fast-paced culture, where we tend to forget our significant others.  Sometimes we remember the obligations that we have in every other place, but the ones that are the most important.  Love always needs tender nurturing, no matter how long you've been together or have been married.  Open communication, friendship, honesty, and integrity are just as important as the physical acts of intimacy.  Keeping faith and trust in each other is a definitely building block in a healthy commitment.  In conclusion, enjoy each other, because that is the most important part of love.  You need to have that chemistry to grow together.

Falling Off the Wagon

It's been a while now since I've dealt with any symptoms of panic!  Other than me feeling some stress that goes along with my normal life.  By panic I mean the sick feelings.  I'm feeling normal again or as normal as I'm ever going to get.  I've come to the decision that once I acknowledged that I was being driven to sickness I was able to harness my stress much easier.  Plus, now that I am back in school, I have an out.  My anxiousness is dealing with weight loss now.  I'm looking to join the gym at my school.  I was going to join Retro Fitness but, if I can do that for free, then why bother.  I have also been struggling with eating choices lately too.  I have to stop falling off the wagon.  Today was the worst, because I was on the run.  I actually stopped at McDonald's to buy my dinner.  I haven't been there in so long and I felt like a criminal.  I actually hate myself for eating that food, not to mention that I filled myself with acid ridden Coca Cola.  I really suck!

Oh and just so everyone knows, I don't look good or at least I don't think I do.  I have so much work to do.  It's going to take me a year to be at least healthy and I know that.  I'm ready for that challenge, but I know that it won't be easy.  The McDonald's thing is not something that I will repeat ever again.  That actually churns in my stomach when I think about it.  What a mistake!  I never weigh myself, because I just want to focus on being me.  I don't want to stress but, now that Mom is gone, I can't help it.  Eating hamburgers from that shithole just solidifies how much of weak person I am.  Maybe I am too hard on myself, but that's how I feel.  I'm the one who looks at myself in the mirror every day and I know my flaws big time.  I look at my waist and I know how it looks.  I walk a great deal, and I stay active, but I just want to feel normal.  I don't need to be perfect; I just want to be healthy.  I don't think that is too much to ask.  In fact, I think that is a goal that's more than achievable.  I want it so badly and I'm going to work even harder to get there.

In the Stacks

I'm sitting in the library enjoying the comfort of my little cubical in the corner of the stacks with my books stacked next to my mini-notebook and my bags tucked neatly on the right of my desk.  I've had a very long, but rewarding day of classwork.  I've learned about protons, neutrons, and one celled organisms, complex algebraic expressions, and the exploits of Shakespeare's King John.  Right now I am waiting for my husband to pick me up, because I am finished with most of my work for today.  I'm not in a rush, because I love the library.  I love the smell of old books, because it comforts me.  It makes me grateful that I have the privilege of reading so many different types of books from authors like Tolstoy and Austen, not to mention the fact that I have access to so many different sources of information and periodicals.  It makes me smile.  That's why I am grinning in this photograph!  I love the library!  I wish other people would learn to love it too.  I remember when my Mother first brought me to the library.  I picked out Madeleine as my first book and my second book was Arrow to the Sun.  I fell in love with books.  I used to love the bookmobile too!  Did you ever have the bookmobile come to your school?  You would choose the books you would want and you were able to buy them.  I loved it!  It was my favorite time of year as a kid.  I guess I was a real nerd.  Now it's Barnes and Noble, Borders, the College and Public Libraries that do it for me now.  In fact, I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do, but maybe library work is in my future.  Who knows?  I'm fickle sometimes.  Well, I have to get my stuff together, because I have to meet the hubby.  Take care....  Love ya!

Dealing with Negativity

You can get up in the morning and feel really great.  You eat your breakfast, drink your coffee, and get your morning routine on course.  You motivate yourself to take on your day but, before you can start, there is a person who stands in your way.  That one negative person with a black cloud over their head and all they want to do is make you feel awful.  These people are mostly insulting, even though they don't realize it.  There are people who do not fully understand the power of words and what the negative ones can do to a person, even if it's unintentional.  Maybe these people are in their own ring of negativity that they can't seem to shake.  That may be a self-imposed situation or a situation that someone has created for them.  All they do for most of their day is place blame, or criticize, or complain about whatever person or persons lay in their path.  I've always wondered if we had a choice to participate or not participate in that type of unhealthy pattern.  How do you avoid that type of personal run-in?  If you are in a particular group, and you can notice that type of person, you may be able to avoid them.  The best way would be notice the person for what he or she is, and just walk away.  Although this may be frustrating for the offending individual, it is cleansing and emancipating for you.

There are other ways that you can lure that negative person away from you.  If you are within a group of friends who also recognize this certain person as a problem, maybe they can help to shift the negative behaviors away.  Sometimes, when you are in a group dynamic, you can escalate a different direction.  If you are in a group, you can do positive fun activities that can shift the negative aspect of an individual away.  It can also help to change the focus of the negative individual and give a new fresh perspective for them to look on.  This can also happen within the family dynamic as well.  In some instances, certain family members tend to bring negative behavior patterns, which include guilt, blame, resentment, and even unhealthy anger.  Joining with family members for a dinner or a group event can take that type behavior pattern away, but sometimes the problem needs to be addressed by the family in frank, honest group conversation.  Unfortunately, sometimes that is the hardest thing in the world to endure.  My family does very poorly at that activity.  Many families aren't proficient with their communication skills.  Some families who feel that they are communicative and tight, really fall short.  If someone tells me that they come from a perfect home, I will call them a liar.  Nobody has a perfect family.  Families have many different levels of dysfunction, and there are some who are worse than others.    

Of course, there are people who can't even grasp the concept that they are unhealthy in their habits.  Because they can't notice or acknowledge that obstacle, they can't understand why you had to seperate yourself from him or her.  There is no way that you can make some drastic metamorphosis of a person's character, because they have to really know about the problem and want to change those behaviors.  Some people take on these behaviors as a personal choice, therefore there is nothing you can do anyway.  You have to give that type of person room enough to take care of themselves, rather than exposing yourself to toxic problems.  Why give your energies to someone who clearly doesn't deserve it?  You can change the negative topic, if you are having a conversation with said person, but no other course remains.  If you are strong enough to deal with someone with those social ineptitudes, then you can try to have a frank talk with them.  Make it known that these behaviors exist and, once they acknowledge them, they can place an anchor toward change.  But remember, you can't be everyone's lifesaver.  Those who are always putting themselves in those situations, become negative themselves.

Dropping Out

I was sitting in my Algebra class this morning and my instructor enters the room.  She takes attendance and suddenly remarks, "They're already dropping out like flies!"  After making that statement, she laughs a bit and begins her lessons.  After the class was completed for the day, that statement stuck in my head.  It struck me that most of the students within the classroom were twenty years younger than me and fresh out of high school, but they've already withdrawn themselves from the course.  This isn't the first course that I've noticed this occurrence.  I've seen it in many other classes throughout my time on campus.  All of the students were young and, nine times out of ten, they were freshmen.  So many students stress about making their way into college but, once they register and start classes, they easily withdraw.  Why is that?  According to American College Testing, one in every four students drop out of college before they complete their sophomore year or move to another college to complete their degree program.  The stress of college is something that high schools forget to counsel students about.  Students, especially those who dorm out, have to learn how to manage living on their own with the responsibility, time and expense management that comes along with the task.  This can take a toll for the college student, fresh from high school, who was used to having their parents to help them when they needed it.

From what I have noticed, as I have gone back to college, students really don't take classes seriously for the first two weeks.  I think there is this false sense of security or this easy going feeling, whereas they feel that there will not be work or anything intensive involved in a course.  For example, I had been studying Etruscan Art in my Art History course for almost a week and according to the course sheet, my instructor noted that we were due for an exam.  Another fellow student, who was constantly texting, looked up for the first time after a week and said, "He gives tests?"  I told her yes and I asked her if she took notes.  I usually reread my notes and the chapters more than once to keep material familiar so I can keep myself fresh for testing.  She told me no and said, "I'm not good at studying and I think this was a bad idea.... I think I'm going to drop."  This was after three weeks of the course.  It was really sad.  Another girl was facing the same dilemma, but worked really hard to catch up on her studies and passed the course.  She told me that balancing work, her social life and relationship, and school was hard at first, but she got the hang of it.  I can't understand why some students won't take advantage of the free tutors on campus!  I've seen fellow students flounder and it can be so easily remedied.  I've taken advantage of the math tutors on countless occasions and even the writing tutors!  Instead, they just drop when their grade lowers so they don't affect their GPA!  They're still paying for the course unfortunately.

There are many other reasons for the drop out rate in the United States.  One of the largest difficulties is financial pressure.  The amount of tuition for the average student is astronomically high and many middle class families can't afford to send their children to college.  According to a journal article on College Board called Trends in College Pricing 2009, colleges can charge up $35,000 or more for tuition costs per semester.  $126 Billion dollars has been awarded to students in Financial Aid.  Even with the buffer of financial aid, students feel the pressure of getting a high paying job after schooling in order to repay the crushing debt of school loans.  According to the National Center for Public Policy, 79% of Financial Aid students dropped when they were at Full-Time status at college.  Loans are now subsidized by the Federal Government rather than private banks, which helps in some respects, but pushes more students into verification.  This can delay students from getting their loans in on time before their classes begin.  Community colleges are becoming increasingly popular, because they can give students their first two years of college and prepare them for a bigger university or college where they may have to live away from home.  This decision also lowers the cost.  Ocean County College and Brookdale Community College are examples of community colleges that partner with large universities.  Ocean County College partners with Kean University and Brookdale Community College partners with Rutgers University.  Students can matriculate through both schools without having to live far from home and it lowers the cost of tuition.  I've seen students forced out because their loans are pushed into verifications, even with the community colleges making a more affordable alternative.  Make sure that all your documentation is in to the Financial Aid office as soon as possible to avoid any mishaps.  I've experienced difficulties with this myself, and it's no picnic.  I'm serious when I say that! 

There are things to remember before you decide to become another college dropout.  According to the United States Census Bureau, students who have a college education, stand to make twice as much per year than those with just a high school diploma.  In college, you can get recommendations, build up your resume, fall into lucrative intern positions and be able to obtain a job following your graduate education.  Sometimes that education may come later in life, but don't let that stop you from pursuing your dream.  The longer you put off your education, the harder it will be to find a career that will give you a stable happy lifestyle.  Choose the right major for you, because that can also play into a reason to drop.  Make sure you know what you want, before you start out your journey.  Talk to your college advisers, because they are paid to help you with your college experience.  Take advantage of study strategy seminars as well, because they can help you manage your time and keep you from feeling overwhelmed when exams and midterms arise.  For those who are considering college, whether you are in high school or you are an adult, look at all of your options.  Prepare yourself for the experience, whether it is going to a junior college or community college first, before a university or taking the college head start plan that some high schools offer.  College should be a fun and rewarding experience that you can learn and grow from, not to drop out and miss out on all the opportunities it can afford you.

It's Been Interesting

So far, my experience with classes has been very good. However, my experiences with financial aid has been a pain in the ass. I have been in verification for weeks now, and I have been paying for my education out of pocket. Today, in between my classes, I stopped by the administration building to speak with financial aid once more. I was then given the around about the time schedule in which my verification would be completed. I told her, "This is absolutely ridiculous! This is inept and totally unprofessional!" After that, I went home to take care of a few things before I went to my biology class. Funny enough, the schedule had the wrong room number for the course and I had ask the secretary at the Science Dept. where the class was located. Luckily, I had a very kind professor. The class went well, and she provides all of the notes online with cruiser. This is great, because I can actually enjoy the benefit of the lecture instead of playing beat the clock with the professor's power point or scrambling for every note throughout the class period. I have my first lab class tomorrow, and I am really excited. I haven't really studied biology before. I took chemistry and physics in high school. My husband was joking with me and said, "Maybe you will have to dissect a frog or a fetal pig." I'm not really nervous about that.

I have the next installment of my Shakespeare course today. I have read King John in the I and II Acts. I've taken some notes, but I would like to see her take on them. My professor moves very quickly, but I really enjoyed her last lecture. I'm going to look up some information on those acts from other sources. I figure this can give me some extra background on the material. I figure that would help once it gets down to writing a paper about the play. I'm actually nervous about it, because I've never really delved into Shakespeare in great length. We touched on it in high school, but it never really interested me that much. It always felt forced during those points in my life. In my adult years, my interests are piqued and the historical English subtext plays make it even more fun for me. The Tudor dynasty has always been my favorite subject. I've wrote a couple papers on it, and I have watched countless movies and read numerous books on the subject matter. Today, we are supposed to watch a film of King John. She did say that if the class kept up with the reading, she wouldn't have pop quizzes. I hope that the others in the class keep up with that end of the bargain.

I can't wait until October 1st! I am going to see Richard Marx and Matt Scannell at the Bergen Performing Arts Center in Englewood, New Jersey after my Biology lab class. If I haven't made any arrangements around that, I really should. Hopefully that will happen. My life has been a total wash lately when it comes to other people. I've been absent when it comes to friends and other social activities these days. Maybe I should learn to not make promises anymore, but I can't cut myself out entirely. My life is a comedy of errors when it comes to other people or at least to situations in general. I don't want anyone to feel disappointed or upset with me. Sounds pretty drastic when you think about it, but it's really true. Aside from things that are regimented, my life is incomplete when it comes to socially motivated relationships. In two words, "I suck!". That's not an exaggeration. Hopefully now that I have something else to think about, aside from the steaming pile of crap from the last couple months, I will be a better person. Although I have learned one thing this year: I refuse to kiss ass or put myself in a position where I am going to be stepped on, manipulated by ridiculous familial persons, or be used by sack of crap fair-weather asswipes. I've decided to grow something these days, and I think it's been looooong overdue!  It's called good self-esteem and pride in myself!  I'm not going to eat crappy food, I'm not going to die like my mother, I'm not going to be everyone's doormat, and I'm going to live to my fullest potential.  I think that kind of sums up my attitude after my experiences from this year. Thank you for listening to my offbeat weird and maybe even off-putting diatribe today. Love ya!

Classes

Check out this video: My First Day (Video Blog)

Philip Sayce Rocks!

If you haven't heard Philip Sayce before, you have to listen to him! This is his track called Scars, written by him and Richard Marx. It just rocks!

My First Video Blog

My First Video Blog

♥ Denise ♥ | MySpace Video

Tough On Yourself

As humans we have a tendency to be tough on ourselves.  This seems to be a part of humanity, a part of human nature in a conscious sense.  To face or address this is difficult and reforming that behavior pattern is even more challenging.  These behaviors are sometimes noticeable and some aren't.  The obstacle is noticing the problem for yourself.  For some, it may be hard to accept praise for jobs well done.  Others may never feel as if they do anything right.  Body image can also come into play when it comes to this issue.  Many men and women are hard on themselves, because they need to find perfection when it comes to the way they look. Hating yourself for getting sick, and the limitations it causes is another example.  I suffer from this prime example.  Being that I am an epileptic, I have a very specific limitation that many adults take for granted.  I cannot drive an automobile.  Driving, to me, symbolizes a sense of freedom.  Because I do not drive, I am at the mercy of others for transportation.  I've always hated myself for having such frailties that I have to rely on the aid of others.  The anger I have for myself is the red flag that indicates that I need to find some refuge from this self-unkindness.  Sometimes you don't realize how tough you are until other people point out the obstacle, and that can be the toughest indication.

Essentially, when a person is difficult on themselves, they give their body the indication that they are unworthy.  When you think this way, you cause psychological or physical problems that have to be addressed later.  I know this from experience.  Unfortunately, this can be cyclical.  Being tough on one's self is a frivolous waste of energy.  If I kept dwelling on my limitations, I would constantly feel a state of depression.  This would inhibit myself from performing my daily life.  Dwelling on your limitations sponges the life out of yourself and takes away from the positive things that life has to offer.  It can affect the way you deal with people and your relationships.  It can cause your body to feel physically ill, which is something that caught up with me lately.  Even if you are used to feeling that unhealthy and drained, you know that it's wrong on a basic human level.  Like any other bad habit, this is something that is more than difficult to shake.  Doing so takes real ambition and drive to feel better about yourself.  Realizing your triggers, noticing the signs, and being aware makes all the difference.  This makes a more positive outlook toward ourselves and the way we deal with our life in the world.

Pleasant Valley Sunday

I spent a wonderful day with my sisters, my brother-in-law, and my eldest sister's friend at a wine tasting in Allaire State Park this afternoon.  There were many different wineries that were peddling their wares in a multitude of tents scattered within the historical Allaire Village.  It was an absolutely perfect day for this, because it was not too hot and not too chilly with beautiful blue skies.  As we wandered from booth to booth, I sampled different wines from deep, rich Cabernet Sauvignons from Renault Winery to light fruity Rieslings from Hopewell Valley.  I really loved this wine called the Jersey Devil Red, because it was just the right depth for me.  I'm not really keen on white wine so much.  They had a semi-sweet Asian Pear wine that wasn't so bad.  For sweet dessert wines, that sounded perfect.  I love a good port as a dessert wine, and Renault has the best for that.  New Jersey has a really rich wine country with a variety of different wineries to choose from.  Cream Ridge winery seems to specialize in a great deal of dessert wines, and Tomasello winery also specializes in those varieties.  I loved Hopewell Valley's Barbera, because it reminded me of a full bodied yet smooth Syrah.  After meandering from booth to booth, we all began to feel hungry.  Against my better judgment, I decided to indulge on a bowl of Jambalaya with chicken and andouille sausage.  It was completely scrumptious of course.  If you are interested to find out more about these festivals click here.  The Garden State Wine Growers Association runs these events and they have more than one every year.

While I was there, I took some quick nature and historical photos here and there.  There were so many people, so it was really hard to find an angle that wasn't crowded with bodies.  I wanted to enjoy more of the park, but it wasn't meant to be.  I want to go back with Donald, take pictures, and walk down the nature trail.  All of this will be done covered in deet laden bug spray.  This way I can get more enjoyment out of the scenery without the hustle and bustle.  I hadn't been to the park since going with my Mother three years ago.  I went on that trip to do research for an English paper on Howell Works.  I don't even know if I have a hard copy of the text anymore.  I may have it on my computer somewhere along the way.  I remember having to go to the General Store to pick up some informational text for the thesis.  My Mother, who wasn't walking very well at the time, was not able to make it to the General Store.  She sat on a bench in the parking lot.  Thinking about it now, that may have been the last time she went to Allaire State Park.  I want to take some pictures of the Grist Mill and the old church.  I would also like to go there when the Blacksmith shop is open, so that I may video tape it and share it with you all.  I wish I could see all of that again with my Mother, but that ship has sailed.  I wish my Mother could have gone with us today, because she would have had so much fun.  My Mother loved going to wineries, and she loved going to places like Renault and Cream Ridge winery.  I wish she was still able to enjoy the park with me.     

The other half of my day was spent with my Dad.  I went to dinner with him and my two cousins Dianne and Bill.  We rarely get to see each other and it was nice to be able to catch up with family.  We went to Friday's for the meal, and I tried to eat as a healthful as possible.  Unfortunately, I don't think that there is anyway that you can keep from eating completely healthy in that restaurant.  It was tasty though, I must admit.  It was nice to see my cousins and I'm glad that we can still have those connections in our lives.  Family is very important, even when we don't realize it.  Right now, I am trying to learn that concept.  My body alone is trying to learn this concept, because it's rebelling against it.  It's not from not loving or caring about them, and it's definitely not about wanting to be seperated from them.  It's really just the stress between everything emassing into this huge knot.  It was nice to have two family get-togethers that made me smile and relax.  I haven't had that luxury in a very long time.  This was a very healthy day for me.  Enjoying the outdoors and getting some vitamin D from the sunshine helped too.  I don't really get that much vitamin D because, as I have said in the past, I am a vampire.  Ha!  I didn't get a sunburn, because I put sunscreen on.  I did well as a daywalker rather than a nightowl for one day.  My Sunday definitely made up for a very quiet Saturday.  It was a nice weekend.

Back to Being a College Student

Today, on this rainy gloomy Friday afternoon, I am comparison shopping for schoolbooks on the Internet.  This year, if I choose to purchase all of my academic materials from the college bookstore, I will pay more than $600.  This year I have decided to be more proactive with my money and use the ISBN numbers to my advantage.  I figure, if I am paying so much for my education, I might scale down some of the financial burden.  It's the least I can do for myself.  I'm beginning to think that paper and bindings are becoming just as expensive as gold.  I believe that the information collected within them is worthwhile, and that is completely understandable.  Unfortunately, the burden on the average student must be astronomical.  Even the tuition for the average college student costs more than the price of a modest home, in some cases.  Aside from my complaints about books and tuition, I am very much ready to attend school again.  I need to be back to my lectures and learning again.  I missed it so much and I didn't realize how much until the middle of July came.  Maybe it was the events that happened it June and what I had to deal with following it, but I desperately need this change of venue.  I have been waiting for this chance for the bulk of my summer season it seems.

I've decided to change the theme and title of my blog, being that my Summer writings have come to a close.  I think, with the circumstances as they were, I wrote a substantial amount of material.  Donald says I should have been more forthcoming, but how much of me do people really want to know about.  I figure for the most part, I will share my essays and papers from the semester along with some personal journal updates chronicling my time during this Autumn.  I've decided to take four classes this semester.  I'm taking a Contemporary Health course, a College Biology course, a Shakespeare Plays course, and a College Algebra course.  They may seem a bit mundane, but some are required.  The Shakespeare was recommended by my college adviser.  I haven't really touched on Shakespeare since high school, so this should be a whole new experience.  I'm almost a bit nervous.  I was thinking about the future of my work, and I've continued to dream about journalism.  I was reading the graduate education courses offered by the New York Times today and I was almost salivating at the prospect of having those certificates.  I still consider that type of work a pipe dream, but I can't keep myself from wishing that this particular dream would come true.

I go back to school on the seventh of September.  I pick up my books that morning, which is an ordeal.  I can't, for the life of me, understand why they wouldn't schedule the selling date one day earlier.  I'm convinced that my college just enjoys being a royal pain in the ass.   At least they let you pre-order so that you do not have to wait online for hours anymore.  I remember having to do that.  I'd rather step on a sharp thumbtack.  I've been chided because I haven't taken to joining any "clubs."  For the life of me, I haven't really seen one that has really fit.  Maybe I need to give one of them a chance.  It would definitely look good on my college transcript.  There is the school paper, but I have to see whose advising it now.  Last I remember it was Karen Bosley, a former English professor of mine.  Anyway, that is something that I really wouldn't mind helping out with a bit.  Although, I am sure that they have their share of "staff."  The campus radio station is the only other thing that I am really interested in joining.  We'll see how the semester progresses.  They usually have their stands throughout the campus during the first days of the semester.  I just want to look over my syllabi's and see how much work I'm in for before I devote myself to any other cause aside from my classes.  I'm really ready to just hit the books and spend time in the stacks this semester.  I'm excited to see how my journey goes this year.  Wish me oodles of luck!