A Journal Entry

I had a friend call me the other night and I was discussing my recent situation.  If you haven't been reading my blogs or any of my statuses here on Facebook or Twitter, I've been having this weird offbeat illness.  I learned, after two Emergency Room visits, that it wasn't anything bodily wrong with me.  I was actually having anxiety attacks due to GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder.   Now I have had anxiety in the past and this didn't seem like the same thing.  I digress to my friend's phone call.  He mentioned something to me that made some sense to me.  He told me that I wasn't being myself.  I wasn't being my sarcastic, offbeat, and sometimes off-color self.  I was muffled by everything that has gone within the last two months, and it's been attacking my limbic system and making feel like I have been run over by a Mack Truck driving at top speed.  I have been dealing with the difficulties surrounding me, and leaving out the simple pleasures in my life.  Pleasures like going out for beers and cheeseburgers or laughing hysterically at cheap horror movies.  I know that may sound awful, but that makes me chuckle.  Today for the first time, I just turned on some Bollywood music and danced around my kitchen with a broom sweeping the floors.  I miss just being in school, researching and being a student.  I can't wait until my academic life returns again.  I can't tell you how much I miss it.  That's another part of myself that has been stricken from me and I need it back.  I can't wait until September.  I'm more excited than words can express!  I just want to settle into that groove again and be around people I've never met before.  I need that change of venue.

Today I haven't had much pain or sweating.  It's been just me today, which probably has a great deal to do with it.  I got up this morning and had to deal with a shitload of garbage and I was hurting big time.  Once that garbage left and went away, I was able to feel peaceful and without pain.  When the stressors die down, I lose the chest pain, the headaches, the sweating, the shaking, the palpitations, the pains in my arms and legs, and the hot flashes.  There is definitely something to that.  I had someone else call me earlier today about a problem the person was having with a friend.  It was something that I was asked to help this person with, and I could feel these symptoms flare up.  I have to say that I am really tired of dealing with that situation, so I really feel very stressed over it.  There isn't anything that I can do to help this person, yet I continually get dragged into that mess.  Of course this mess is of a close nature, which adds to the pressure.  I want to just avoid these types of situations at all costs.  There was an explanation that I presented to this person about the symptoms that I was suffering with on Sunday, and that the following Monday I went back to the Emergency Room.  I told this person that stressful situations were a key factor in my problem.  Hopefully that will have made some sort of an impact on this individual.  I've had to tell people close to me that my health is impaired from the pressure I'm going through, but they don't seem to hear me.  My husband's mother understands me and she is probably one of the only people, aside from my husband, who can.

In the moving on department, I finally got added as a friend on Facebook by the Iron Sheik today.  For those who are confused as to who this person is:  The Iron Sheik is a wrestler from the early eighties.  I have to thank Dave for that.  I've been waiting for the better part of six months or more for that to happen.  That was so cool.  Plus I have to thank both Dave and Denise for giving me Netflix, because I've been having a blast watching movies.  I've been reading a ton of old books.  I decided to get back into an old read with Amy Tan's The Joy Luck Club.  I think I've enjoyed it more than the first time I read it.  I truly believe that you miss the subtle nuances of a book when you only read it once.  I have decided to finally sit back and watch all of the seasons of Dexter.  I've heard so many good things about that show, but have never watched it.  I figure it will be something to watch after True Blood ends.  I'm very anxious for October to come, because my husband and I are meeting up with some folks to see the Duo (Richard Marx and Matt Scannell) show.  I'm so excited, because I will finally get the chance to meet my friends Janine, Mary, and Greta.  Plus I will get to see my friends, Mary, Helen, and Nicki, whom I haven't seen a long time.  I really need something like that to look forward to.  I didn't really get to the beach as much as I really intended.  Things kind of compromised that situation.  I want to do that before everything gets in the way, but I don't think it will.  There will always be next year.  Championing my weight loss continues and I continue not to weigh myself.  I just keep eating right and staying active.  I really don't want to know how I'm doing right now.  There will be a time where I will have to go to the physician's office and I will be weighed then.  For now, I am content to just meander along my merry way.  Things will go as they should in that department.  I go for my stress test on September 2nd.  My health is great aside from my crazy environment making me feel like crap.  Hopefully that's all for now.