I'm Going to Miss Radio

I am so going to miss my radio station job here at the college when the semester ends!  I'm sitting here right now behind the mic and really loving what I do here.  I get to play my favorite tunes and share them with as many people who will listen, plus I get to share my banter here and there.  It's the best opportunity that I've been allowed to have here on campus.  I don't think that I will be following through with it as a profession, but I will never forget how happy this has made me.  I've been lucky enough to be able to do some charity work through this as well.  Next semester, I will have a whole new journey to embark on, but these are memories that will always stay with me.  I'm more than thankful that I can have this much fun right now.  I've even plugged my favorite singers and artists on here, which has been great fun.  I get to play everything from metal to country to rhythm and blues, without a set format.  It's my dream playlist of all time.  Nothing is ever perfect and that's college radio, but I've learned a great deal from the experience.  I've gotten a chance to use equipment that I've never tried before and I've put my public speaking skills to the test.  Definitely one of the best times of my life.

The Second Half of My Education Continues

I was accepted to Georgian Court University today.  I don't know if I should feel all that excited about it, being that it is a local university, but I think it's pretty big in scale.  Tonight, I am going to fill in all of my FAFSA information and make my appointment with advising.  I have only one obstacle standing in my way, a math class.  They want me to take Survey of Mathematics to round out my requirements.  Now this isn't a big deal to me.  I would rather do this than calculus or statistics, so I'm not really complaining or grumbling all that much over the issue.  There are many other issues that I have to deal with when it comes to preparing for this school that are far more challenging than my last Ocean County College requirement.  Of course, these issues have nothing to do with my academic life.   There are things that I will miss about coming to OCC, like my radio work at Viking Radio, but there will be other things to occupy my time I'm sure.  I never thought that I would be doing all of this in my late thirties, but better late than never at all.  I have a classmate in my Biology class who is older than me and she is taking classes so that she can go into the biomedical field.  I find that even more inspiring to me, because it gives me more incentive to pursue my dreams.

The thing about OCC is that it's not really like a university in that it's a very relaxed atmosphere when it comes to most curriculum, grading, and classroom environment.  In fact, not to criticize some of the instructors that work at this institution, I think some of them just come here to teach part-time as a means of not fully retiring or not dedicating themselves to a full workload.  I have an instructor like that this semester, and I feel like I'm really not learning all that much from a lecture perspective.  All of the literature from the course, that I read on my own time, makes up for most of it.  So I have to take into consideration that my next step isn't Hooper High, it's a real university.  Not all of the instructors from OCC are like this though, because I have some really wonderful professors over my time here.  These are the people who really cared about their students and taught me.  My favorite English professor at OCC, William Kanouse, improved my writing skills by one-hundred-fifty percent.  Unfortunately, Prof. Kanouse passed away a few years back.  He was the toughest teacher I've had, but I learned a great deal.  My former Shakespeare professor, Dr. Botein is awesome too!  I really found a new interest in the plays through her class.  I'll miss classes like those.  There are good and bad apples, as they say, wherever you go.

I had gone through different choices about what to do with the rest of my educational career and I have come down to two different paths.  One is to pursue an English/Education degree that I can use to teach with, and the other is pursuing Journalism, which is very uncertain.  I have been accepted into the teaching program at the Woman's College at Georgian Court University, but I am going to minor in communications and journalism.  I want to keep those hopes alive in case I want to change majors sometime in the future.  The bonus with going into their teaching program is that I get the inclusive courses in the No Child Left Behind program, which will add to my certifications.  This will be a tough course-load, but I am willing to work hard.  I realize that all of the radio dreams and all of that will not be part of my future right now, but you never know how things will change later on.  I'm not completely counting it out right yet.  I'm really excited about my life right now and I can't wait to be a student at GCU.

A little catch up :)

It's been a very busy time for me lately and I haven't really written anything on this blog in quite a while.  With that thought in mind, I thought that I would make a little journal post to catch everyone up on everything that I have been doing and everything that has occurred since I've last written on here.  As you all know, I have finally come to my last semester at Ocean County College.  Finally I raised enough courage to sign up to Georgian Court University, and I am waiting for my acceptance letter.  Hopefully that will arrive sometime soon.  If it does, I may actually follow up and register for classes.  Hopefully there won't be so many issues that will get in my way of following through with the other half of my education.  They were really helpful at the admissions office.   I wanted to get my time-sheets from the radio station so that I can list them as my clubs.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out for the best, because I am really nervous about all of it.   I was thinking about life decisions over the past month.  Mostly because of rite of passage and its many forms.  I realize now, and I really tossed and turned over my life for a while, that I'm comfortable with my husband, my pets and I as a little family.  I love that I am pursuing a bright new future and that I'm broadening my horizons every day.  I couldn't imagine climbing up a mountain and achieving so much, only to stop at its precipice and turn around.  I would die inside and nothing could ever spell reward in lieu of losing your best chances.

My cat Stubby has Diabetes Mellitus.  I found this out a couple weeks ago.  My husband and I have to give him insulin twice a day and keep him on a special diet.  We noticed that he was losing a great deal of weight even though he was eating and drinking a lot.  My husband thought it was a change of diet, but I just knew it was something more.  When he became listless, we took him straight to the vet.  I thought it was either cancer or his kidneys.  I never, in a million years, would have pegged Diabetes as the cause.  So far, they have upped the dosage once.  Hopefully, this new dosage will do the trick.  He seems to be more lively and putting on a bit more weight.  I'm hoping that it will stay on that course.  Stubby goes back to the vet in a couple weeks to be tested for his blood sugar levels.  I really wish that I could test those with one of those glucose meters that you can get from the drug store.  This way I would know sooner, plus I would save money.  Stubby even has his own prescription plan from Walgreens now.  It does reduce the costs of the insulin and other products needed for the injections.  

I had to do some DJ work for my station's Anything But Clothes Dance Party.  This thing has been sitting in the works for what seemed like ages.  Finally, on the 11th, it finally proceeded.  You would think that with all of the preplanning that it would have gone off famously.  It was the absolute opposite.  Aside from the fact that we gave the homeless people who attended a good time, we had barely anyone who attended the event.  We barely raised any money at all.  I felt really embarrassed honestly, because the people who ran the organization deserved more than what they received that evening.  For what it was worth, at least I was able to get some new pajamas and slippers out of the deal.  The food, even though some of it was provided by Fridays and the Olive Garden, was quite terrible.  I was never really reimbursed for anything that I purchased for the event either, which pisses me off so unbelievably.  Here is the bottom line:  What was considered to be preplanning, was never preplanning at all.  It was all done on the fly.  It was a shame that it all turned out that way.  I don't really blame anyone really, because it was just poor planning.  I blame some of the difficulty on Student Life and some on misguidance in general.

I have been on an Amy Tan kick lately.  I have never read her novels before until recently.  I don't really know why honestly.  I guess I just never thought about it.  I started with the Bonesetter's Daughter and now I am reading the Joy Luck Club.  The next one I want to read is Saving Fish From Drowning.  I get on kicks when it comes to writers.  I thrive on novelists like Maeve Binchy, Amy Tan, Jhumpa Lahiri, and Lisa See.  Stuff that's not too hokey or too cotton candy for my liking.  I tried reading that type of stuff over the last four years and was very disappointed.  I'm gearing up to buy a copy of Jane Eyre to read again and a copy of Madame Bovary.  I have a study group for a project that is being done for my Communications Law class.  We have to research and discuss a libel case for a presentation during class time.  So my group went to the library with me.  For some of them, and these were second year students, it was the first time that had even entered the school library.  I was stunned honestly.  I couldn't even believe that someone couldn't even utilize the library.  I was told, "What is the use of the library, when you have the internet?"  To which I replied, "How could you not find the time to read or use books for research at all?"

I had a very nice Spring Break.  I spent most of the time with my husband and enjoyed having some leisure in my life.  On the weekend, I went out on Saturday dancing with my sister at Club Ego and then on Sunday, we went to Philadelphia for the day.  We had lunch at Joy Tsin Lau and enjoyed facials at Angel Natural Beauty, then we went to South Street to do some shopping.  I bought my husband's birthday gifts while I was there.  It was nice, because I was able to do that without him being around to snoop.  The facial was especially relaxing.  My skin felt awesome afterward, although I could've done with less steam.  They were trying to push some of their products to sell on me, but I wormed out of buying any of that crap.  I can buy all of that where I live.  No reason for me to spend all of that overhead in another state.  I'm back at school now, and I'm glad to be back in the swing of things.  I've got my new glasses that I'd ordered and I can see much better now.  I'm also writing this from the brand new Mac computer in the library lab.  I'm loving it!

Springtime

I'm feeling my best right now and the reason is simple.  It's the month of March!  As the last frosty remnants of Winter begin to depart, we begin to see this natural renewal.  Being that Spring is right at our bootheels, we feel this unavoidable need to unclutter our lives.  During the Winter, we accumulate and store just as anyone would as we insulate ourselves from the cold in our homes.  It's when the warm winds blow that we feel the need to unburden ourselves and commense Spring cleaning.  This is the season that we allow ourselves to open the windows, wear short sleeves, and enjoy the beauty of the outdoors.  We feel the urge to eat fresh fruits, go to farm markets, and arrange fresh flowers.  The season that we feel the warmth of the sunshine and the glow of the verdant green landscape.  Spring is that magical time that lets me take a deep breath and feel alive.  Springtime is the poetic inspiration that shows that maybe we might too change, release the burdens of the past, and move on to a brighter future.  The earth cycle of renewal is the magic that we are all lucky, as humans, to behold.

Charlie Sheen... An Example of What Not to Do (A Mobile Blog)

I've always wondered how these celebrities become so adrift in life. Take Charlie Sheen, for instance, he has a family and still pisses it all away with drugs and wayward behavior. You can chalk that up toward mental illness, which many people suffer and self medicate through alcoholism or substance abuse. I struggle with depression and anxiety, which is definitely tedious if you don't have the proper medical treatment. I viewed the ABC interview that Charlie Sheen made and, though it had extreme moments of comedy and absurdity, it was very disturbing. It seemed to exploit a man who was obviously ill as a source of entertainment for the American Public and the rest of the world. I guess we are all guilty for needing to see something like that in one way or another. I can help feeling that it places mental illness and addiction in the same classification as the term "freak show" or "side show" to be less insulting. It gives these conditions even more of a stigma by glamorizing them in the media. The difference is that most of these people will have the money to get "clean" or rehabilitated, but the average person may not even have the healthcare to make the first step. These are the ones who end up self medicating, because they can't afford quality care. I've been lucky to have never struggled with healthcare or addiction issues, but I can sympathize with those who do, because I know the difficult road they have to travel. That's what angers me about people like Charlie Sheen, because he can throw away an indispensable amount of cash to get rehab, but the average person would never have the luxury to get that type of medical attention. Instead he just chooses to make himself a folly for network television so he can flaunt his ridiculous toxic behavior. I think that CBS had every right to cancel his show, because he's not the example people should see once a week. I think he should give the money he isn't using to get help and donate it to rehabilitation centers to give healthcare to those who can afford it. I doubt that'll happen... HA! I may not want people to be exploited, but I watched the Charlie Sheen interview knowing that I didn't feel sorry for him. Someone who acts and threatens people the way that man does, isn't the type who is looking for a change of lifestyle.  Even though Charlie Sheen said, "I blinked and I cured my brain!"  It was more like "I took speed and it's making me act like an insane idiot."

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Two Fold Post (A Mobile Blog)

This is the first fold of this journal passage: Depressive thoughts. Do you think that if you are sad, or if you feel overwhelmed by your life, that you should be allowed to keep that to yourself? I know that I have done that in the past. It can be a frightening undertaking to deal with one's emotions on your lonesome, but I've done it. Many times I've dealt with hard knocks discreetly and I think it was less than valorous, but it saved other people from looking at some of the more sad parts of my existence. Sometimes I still grapple with that type of pain, but I've learned to channel that into other more creative avenues. I'm no poet or songwriter, by any stretch of the imagination, but I can put my thoughts on paper or on the virtual page and let it go from my heart. Sometimes I wonder if it's really wise to throw the sentences on here, because I'm always wondering if people will think less of me. Then I laugh at myself and say, "Why am I being so damn insecure all the time?!" Maybe everything I'm thinking right now is complete drivel. Some people are lucky enough to be able to write whatever they'd like and not regret one sentence. I wish that I was that free with my compositions, because it wouldn't be such a heartache every time I'd sit down to the computer or flick the editor up on Android. I know a few people who have that ease and they aren't the best writers in the world honestly.

Now I come to the second fold of this journal entry: My feelings right now! I've been falling into this indifferent slump where I'm finding myself separate from the world in a way that I never felt possible. I kind of feel embarrassed to even write this, because I feel this ineptitude to explain my difficulties to anyone in the flesh. You can call me a blatant coward or you can, also, call me someone who is entirely too thrifty to hire an analyst. The thing is that I've sat in the inside therapy circle and I know the self-help psychobabble, which doesn't help my case one inch. There is a stigma attached to getting help, and yes some people do look at you in the Girl Interrupted or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest kind of way. You can tell people to fuck themselves if they carry prejudicial thoughts of you, because there isn't anything wrong for seeking treatment for depression. It's better than the alternative, I can assure you. You can't ridicule someone until you've travelled a mile in their moccasins. I used to think was a droll little saying, but it has a very real meaning. I digress to my earlier discussion, because lately I'm not sure if what I'm doing is the right thing. I feel like I'm walking on quicksand and I can't find my footing. My husband seems to feel very assured and I don't really grasp how that occurs. I see other people do the most ridiculous things and they make it. How does this happen? Am I too sad to make a risk? Right now, the best I can do is work hard at mt studies. It's the one part of life that I have distinct control over. Hopefully, I will have the answers to those questions one day. As it stands, I'm trying to do the best with what I'm given.

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Just Plain Catching Up

I'm finally feeling the edge of Spring like a light at the end of the dark cold tunnel.  Today I went from class to class without bundling up and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of me.  For most people who really know me well, know that I hate Winter with the same fury that I have for daytime television.  After all of that snow and ridiculous garbage that we've had this season, I was more than ready to feel a bit of a heat wave.  It's the one thing that takes the miserable edge off your day.  Seems kind of trivial when you think about it but, to me, it heralds the season of baseball.  Baseball, next to the NFL, is my favorite sport and I miss it dearly.  I miss going to MLB games.  I firmly intend on attending one or two this year.  I'm liking the way the Phillies are looking this year, so maybe I'll try to get Phils, Yanks tickets.  You never know!  It may happen for me.  Those tickets are probably harder to get than a cold. 

WOCC Viking Radio is getting ready to do a benefit to improve our station and to benefit Lakewood Outreach.  My husband has done some flyers and we want to do some advertisements around campus.  I'm thinking about doing a charity auction through my show for the station and for the Epilepsy Foundation.  Something to think about.  Radio is always so much fun for me.  I never get bored with it at all.  I do my show again this Saturday and I'm thrilled.  I'm really sad to be leaving OCC at the end of this Spring, because I have to leave the station for good!  I want to make sure that when I leave this school, I'm doing something that I love.  Radio seems to be something I adore and I want to pursue that, but I'm not sure where to go to make that dream a reality.  I'm still thinking about colleges.  Oh and speaking of my radio show, please listen to me.  I'm on Monday from 5:00 - 7:00 PM EST, Wednesday 11:00 - 1:45 PM EST, and Saturday from 10:00 AM to 1:00 PM EST.  Click here to Listen Live!  I know I'm shameless. 

I have a complaint or a small rant if you will.  You know, there are people in this world that talk about the same damn topic in every blog post that they compose or every word that they put on Facebook.  It really makes me think that their world is limited to one item in their lives or one life experience.  Listen, there are so many different facets and experiences that the world has to offer.  Pick up a newspaper or maybe even read different websites or books.  Watch documentaries, go to a museum, or even catch some foreign films.  For goodness sakes, stop talking about one thing.  It reduces the commonality between anyone else by 75 fucking percent!  Live life before someone else has to live it for you.  I was thinking to myself, "Damn, I'm going to be 39!"  You know what though, at least I won't slow down and saddle down to one thing in my life and get completely lost.  There are people who have children, have a great education, and share all that life has to offer with their families and live such fruitful lives.  People who aren't lost in the mist of something and wasting talents that are so desperately in need to be shared with the world.  Well anyway, that just happened. 

I've been trying to stave away from heavy dairy products and I'm only halfway there, although I have been eliminating a major part of red meat intake from my diet these days.  I broke for a steak once when I went to a dinner a couple weeks ago, but on the whole, I haven't been eating red meat at home.  The best part about the whole scene is that I'm not eating chicken either.  Just fish and veggies.  I don't drink whole milk or skim, just almond milk.  I want to eventually eliminate cheese from my diet entirely as well.  I'm trying very hard, but it's a rough road.  I really applaud those who are able to master a vegetarian lifestyle, because it's really tough.   I want to be healthier, but I'm battling soda as a vice.  I need to get rid of that problem.  Those who've known from classes before or know me personally as a friend, probably know what I'm talking about. 

Anyway, that's my life at the present moment.  Not really that deep for the most part.  I'm enjoying my classes for the most part.  Algebra and Biology make me a bit sleepy, but I can handle that.  I love my Communications Law class the most and second is my Native American Literature class.  I was even late to that class and it was still good.  Of course, that was because I don't drive and I had to wait on transportation.  I watched a good movie the other day.  Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.  I mean, it wasn't as good as the original, but it definitely had a different angle on the original premise of the story.  For a sequel, which I thought would bomb horribly, it was actually quite entertaining.  Charlie Sheen even made a cameo as Bud Fox.  Michael Douglas was very different in the role of Gordon Gecko this time around.  Definitely a good rental.  Netflix it!  That's all I have for now.  I hope that you are enjoying your week and the delightful weather, if that's what's been coming your way.  One more thing that I need to add for good measure.... I am never going to apologize for my personality, the way I speak with people, or my thoughts as I write them or say them.  I've done that for far too long.  I'm not out to deliberately hurt someone, but I'm not going to censor myself just to make everyone feel better about themselves.