Housewife

As I was wiping the counters in my kitchen this afternoon I got to thinking.  Over the years I have done many different jobs.  I have been a factory worker, a cashier, a market researcher, a call receiver, an assembly line worker, an amusement park worker, a receptionist, and a salesperson.  I have been married for almost fifteen years now, and a housewife for the bulk of those years.  I never really thought of that as a job really.  Maybe because, in a sense, it was thankless or that it's never really recognized as such.  I'm a student as well, but that is only during certain parts of the year and that isn't my primary life.  I guess that I never really took stock in this part of my life because of my lack of children.  I have pets, and those are my kids.  They actually take more care than you realize.  Right now I am also taking care of my Dad, which doubles my domestic work.  This is therapeutic for me!  It's doing something I never realized it could ever do.  It's taking away my need to dwell.  I just flick on my favorite Bollywood music station and off to work I go.  I'm still wondering, as I push the lever on the spray cleaner, "Was this what I had always intended?"

My Mom always did the housewife thing and didn't seem to question it.  She seemed to fall into that role so easily, but I never really knew if she was truly happy.  Did she fall into such an abyss, because she was stuck at home for thirteen years?  I mean she seemed alright to me, but people are able to hide things when they want to.  I know I have kept things under wraps until someone like my husband came along; someone who could see me without prejudice.  Of course, I was always too sensitive for my own good.  I wonder if maybe I am falling into that trap and I don't know it.  That really scares me in a way, because it makes me think that she may have resented us in some small way.  I know that when I get things done and cleaned up the way I want it, I feel really good about it.  If I do something and get it accomplished, I'm good with it.  I like to cook and make stuff for Don.  I like to prepare things with Don.  It gives me this sense of family and I really hope that is what Mom had with us.  I hope that sitting in front of those soap operas all day wasn't her way of just getting away from us.

I can understand wanting to escape from the everyday or thinking that maybe you are stuck in something that is lackluster in comparison to a normal career.  I feel that grip many times over.  I see my friends, who are so smart and literate, shine in their careers.  I don't feel necessarily envious, but I am wishful.  I am happy for them, because they worked so hard to get where they are and they deserve all of their successes in life.  I felt like kind of a slacker and a dumbass in a way for a while.  I know that I have some strikes against me, but I will never claim them as an excuse.  That's why I pushed my ass through school again.  I may be the oldest person in my classes, but I'm still just as willing to learn.  I am just as eager to be there.  I'm a happy housewife who finds her rewards there, but I want to find rewards outside of that venue.  I want to be both of these people.  I'm proud of my domestic side, because I get to share that with my husband.  I get that sense of family that comes with that job and that's something you don't have in a regular job.  I still would like to further myself in both professions.  Wish me luck!