A New Day

Not to steal from What About Bob?, but I am "baby stepping" toward peaceful acceptance. I took a deep breath when I awoke this morning and realized that everything was going to improve bit by bit. I didn't feel like I was going to collapse into this emotional abyss or have a haze of depression; I just felt a path toward the resolution and reconciliation of what happened on Friday. It still saddens me very much, but I'm starting to feel that push to step forward. I've finally slept eight hours straight and that helped me. I was able to kick back and meditate. This was my way of reflecting. I'm not crying or sobbing; I'm coming to terms with it in my own way. Today I took a nice walk with my husband and I didn't really discuss anything remotely toward the subject. I was able to have a different subject to focus on. I strolled down the riverfront area of our community and it was so beautiful. The Summer weather was absolutely perfect and the breeze off the water was fantastic. I wasn't worried about anything during those moments on my walk and I felt genuinely calm.

I'm doing my best to keep from wallowing and becoming entrenched in a heavy, "feeling sorry for myself" kind of phase. I want to remove that cycle before it festers and ruins my chances for coping with everyday life. That really doesn't do anything constructive and I know my mother would've been angry if I did that. There is a point where you have to relish the anticipation of a new day. Every day isn't going to have blue skies or warm sunshine, but it's a new day with new chances to advance in life. I've had problems remembering this, and I sometimes falter a bit, but I always climb back up to try again. If I sat back and gave up, I would never get anything accomplished. What would that prove? I will never go through a new day without thinking that my mother is absent from my life. It will always be a dull ache in my heart, but I'm going to try to do the best I can with what I have. I have to realize that life goes on, because that would be what she would want. It's really what I want for myself.