Socially Muted

I was reading my health book and it was talking about the health benefits of having a healthy social life.  After considering all of the points that were discussed within that part of the chapter I thought, "Do I have a social life?"  Unfortunately, I realized, my answer was no.  Since June, things have been very quiet for me.  Well, not really quiet, but socially quiet.  Gradually I have become a social introvert.  This isn't to say that I am a complete introvert, because I interact with my peers on campus and through academic circles.  Since my life was turned upside down, I've lost a sense of community in the way of friendships.  Even my existing friendships probably question my reliability these days.  By my own admission, I am completely selfish as of late.  I feel like a failure to some of my friends, because of my emotional unavailability.  Everything seems more and more tedious as time goes on.  When we're kids, socializing was an easy task.  You didn't really feel the need to sequester yourself, unless there was something really wrong.  As an adult, it's even harder, because socializing is a difficult maze.  It's not the difficult task that you had to overcome in high school, but it's still challenging.

As humans, we live in a world of judgment and we evaluate the people we surround ourselves with.  As time wore on, I felt that my feelings were better left to myself.  Another part of my life felt the need to seek structure and social obligations seemed to be beyond my control.  I didn't want to feel prone or vulnerable, which is part of extending yourself.  This is most definitely a self-preservation action and I'm not proud of it.  I have heard that the longer you sequester or isolate yourself from others, the harder it is to rejoin or reconnect with them.  The theory is that you can unlearn the social aspects of your personality and you have to reteach yourself these lessons.  Maybe I need to find some time of rejuvenation or some type of renewal that will make me feel better about life in that respect.  That's one of the reasons that I joined a club at the college finally.  It was something that was completely out of my comfort zone and it caused me to deal with people that I had never met before.  Shedding a light on my self-confidence may be the key that I am looking for, and hopefully the rest will fall into place.  You never really have a map of how to live your life.  Interactions with people are a gamble and giving of yourself can sometimes be an acceptable risk.