Summertime is Nearly Done

Summer is almost over already and I have barely savored it this year.  It was very bittersweet this year and most of it was me doing housework to keep my mind off the crappy parts.  I did have some high points.  I went parasailing for the first time, which I never thought I would be able to do.  It was such an adrenaline rush and I thank my older sister Stacey so much for taking me.  I went to see a burlesque show for the first time, which was interesting.  I met my old childhood friends from elementary school and got to see how nice Asbury Park is beginning to look now that they are restoring it.  Don took me to see the Eagles for the first time and I had the benefit of seeing Keith Urban and the Dixie Chicks as well.  There were songs played that I never thought I would ever get the chance to hear live in my entire life.  I was totally blown away.  I was able to meet my Mother-in-Law's new boyfriend for the first time, and he was a very nice person.  I celebrated my 38th birthday with my friends and family, at my sister Stacey's home, with a wonderful party.  I can't thank everyone enough for that.  Plus I have had the kindnesses of friends and strangers who took it upon themselves to wish me a Happy Birthday on Twitter/Facebook/MySpace.  That made me so happy.  I actually cried when I read them, because I didn't know so many people cared about me.

Unfortunately, I had some really horrible things happen to me during the Summer.  Those of you who read this blog or my social networking sites, will know that my Mother had passed away in June.  It really put a great deal of things into perspective.  I now realize how many things I was actually taking for granted.  You never realize how reckless you are until someone close to you passes so suddenly.  Life is more fragile than you can ever imagine.  It seems, in two short years, both my husband and I have had to learn that the hard way.  First my husband's father passed away, then my mother.  His father was a harder and more gradual process, and my mother's was out of left field.  I can't say which was worse honestly.  Death is death no matter how you size it.  I remember sitting down and reading the sympathy cards and messages, and I was so moved emotionally.  Now that it's sunk in, I just want to fall into a new path.  One where I am happy and healthy.  Right now, I am not at my healthiest.  I'm really being honest here!  I won't say why, because that is something I can't admit to anyone right now, but I'm trying to correct this problem.  (No it's not mental LOL)  That's why I'm going to doctors and getting tests done.  Hopefully that will get to the bottom of whatever is going on. 

Indian Summer is coming, and I actually like this time of year.  It's warm, but not all that humid.  You can still head to the beach, but you don't have to burn your feet on the sand when you go swimming.  It's the perfect part of the Summertime.  This kind of weather is what should last the whole year through.  Winter is not the best season by means.  In fact, Winter is horrid!  At least that's my opinion.  Plus Fall and Winter herald the horrible rush of the holiday season.  I'm not looking forward to celebrating anything remotely close to that in the least.  Maybe that opinion will change as time moves closer, but that's how I feel at the present moment.   If anything, I would just want to take a vacation with Don.  Somewhere with white sandy beaches and absolutely no stressful problems whatsoever!  A place where I have time with my husband exclusively.  I think after fifteen years of dealing with holiday ridiculousness together, we totally deserve that much!  Over the years, my affinity for the holiday ordeal has become considerably less.  Some people would disagree with the logic of escapism, but ah well.  I'm sick and tired of apologizing for how I feel.  How can I be true to myself, if I take back my feelings?  Duh!  That's just f*#king ridiculous.  It's absolutely true!  I'm nothing if I'm not genuine and I'm tired of being overly nice for everyone else's benefit.  I'm going to be true to myself, and who can ask for anything better than that.  This Summer was definitely a learning experience and, maybe, that was the best part about the season.