Moving On

There have been so many times in my life where I felt as if I were spinning the proverbial wheels in the mud and really not moving forward at all.   Finally it seems that I'm advancing.  I've moved, I'm finishing the first part of my degree, and I'm consider the next chapter of my life.  I used to find these whimsical little or  no so little amusements that made me happy for a very long time because, let's face it, I was a very sad woman for a very long time.  There were many different points in my life that left me discouraged and completely devoid of any value.  Sometimes it was entertaining sometimes very frivolous and maybe costly outings that made me forget what was going on at home.  I have a wonderful husband who was caring enough to let me do those things, but there were times that I probably shouldn't have.  It wasn't just the loss of my mother that threw me, even though it wasn't easy.  It was a series of things over many, many years that really sank my self-esteem into the swamp.  

Sometimes you have to wonder who your friends are too.  You can surround yourself with people who call themselves that, but that is definitely subject to scrutiny.  Many' many times I can remember trying to buffer my depression with people who really didn't give a flying fuck about me.  People that I had extended the olive branch to without thinking twice.  The weird thing is that I'm not bitter about that.  I find it to be an incredible learning experience.  Some of these people still chat with me on the internet, but they never pick up a phone to call me or anything like that.  Very few people are part of my life that way lately.  Part of that is moving as well, not so much enforced isolation.  No matter what anyone tells you, you cannot boost your self-esteem by the amount of friends you acquire.  I definitely think that it's being happy about what you do everyday.  Having friends to share that with, well that's nice too as long as the playing field is equal.

Now that I am progressing and moving on, I'm thinking about doing something that I kind of kicked to the corner.  I think that I'm going to take some more communications courses.  I wasn't going to do that, but I really think that I would be cheating myself if I didn't.  I want to be happy for once in my life.  Radio makes me happy and I'm not going to short change myself.  I will always have the background to take the teaching courses as well, and if I have to I can fall back into that course of study.  So I'm not afraid about that.really.  We'll see where life takes me.  I love music, and I want to make that part of my life.  Doing college radio was so much fun and I realized that I wanted to make that my career.  I would even settle working behind the scenes.  It's just a great industry that I really want to be a part of.  I think with the satellite radio boom, there has been growth in the industry in that sense, but who knows the fate of FM radio.