Will I Ever Love This Month (A Mobile Blog)

Lately I've been thinking a great deal about the year that's passed. There are so many events that I'm proud of, those I wish never happened, and those that fell under the category of "nature's will." I've thought about my dealings with grief, my thoughts of my mother, school, friendly relationships, and the way I deal with my father and my sisters. I realize now how much of a rock Don, my husband, is in my life. The unstable ground that own parents treaded on for most of their lives and the crap that my mother left in her wake. Though I loved my mother dearly, her planning and feelings toward the aftereffects of her reckless lifestyle were more than immature. I'm not the picture of fiscal intelligence, but at least my husband and I are responsible individuals. My father's tackling of mere simple tasks, which I had no idea that he was clueless about, never seem to be accomplished and if I told you what those were, you wouldn't believe that someone could be that careless. When it comes to me, I'm trying to foster as much change in my life as possible. Some of this is to distance my self from that situation and some of it is to finally have an accomplishment and a life that is truly mine. I had radio, which I will always miss and I even briefly thought of communications, but it's not realistic for me at all. At least I don't think that really will be the right avenue to take. Honestly, once my husband and I find our way, I want to move as far away from my family as possible. I'm not talking about Donald's really. It's not that I do not love them, but I need some distance between us. It will improve our relationship significantly. As the anniversary of my mother's demise approaches, I can't help feeling happy that the start of my classes follows it. My life moves; my life moves on and my resentment will drain away. I will begin anew. I want to start think that June 29th is the date that my second shoe dropped and my life turned for the better. Would my mother have wanted it that way, who knows? I could never gauge that. My sister carries her ashed remains in an urn in her basement and I don't believe or at least I can't wrap my mind around an afterlife. I'm too much of a realist and I guess I find myself as one of those people who only believes in what they see. I don't think that there is anything wrong with that. I feel that if religion brings comfort to someone, they have every right to incorporate that practice into their lives and I have no room to judge them. I digress because, for some maudlin, ridiculous, reason, my sister is clinging on to my mother's remains instead of letting her go. I guess we have different ways of viewing life. I want to end some conditions this month and move on. I want to feel whole again and feel happy instead of broken. This month I gave up Facebook, not because I hated it or the people, but to enjoy a free life writing, reading, and facing people in the outside world instead of photographs on the internet or a player in a video game. I don't mind Tweeting, because honestly, it's less of a distraction. Twitter gives me links to the New York Times and other periodicals, and doesn't act merely in social ways. I'm away from my desk. This is another part of June that is different and new. Now I barely turn the computer on. Even now, I am writing from my Android phone. Believe it or not, once school starts, I may go back to it. Right now I am enjoying the freedom of being away from some prying eyes and the ability to share my writings on here alone. Hopefully, during this month, more prolific essays will emerge, but we'll see. In the meantime, I'm enjoy the Summer-like days that early June brings. I bid everyone a Happy Summer filled with sunshine, health, prosperity, and fun most of all!

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