Now that I have blocked certain content from being viewed by certain parties, I can explain some things. In my life I have always thought to treat both of my sisters and their mates as equals. I've never thought less of either of them, whether something went wrong or we disagreed for some reason or another. I've never harped on their shortcomings or their mistakes, but I've hit my limit with the mistake of being treated like dogshit. When give proper respect, I would think that amount of respect and decorum would be reciprocated. For my younger sister, this was never the case. She has never treated me as an equal. She has a scorching sense of entitlement and carries what I call the "Queen Bee Syndrome," whereas everyone has move according to her plans. For some odd reason, she has this matriarchal way about her and treats me like I'm an imbecilic eight year old child by continually insulting me and demanding me to stop the productive things in my life to move according to her whims. She then expects me to spend time with her and enjoy her company during the holiday. When my mother passed away, even though she didn't see it first hand as I did, she seemed to take it as if she felt most of the blow. What she doesn't realize, and maybe this was from a lack of experience, is that she hasn't a clue how I feel about it and maybe doesn't even realize how Dad or Don feels about it. All three of us saw it, and she never did. I watched my mother kill herself slowly, and I tried to stop her. Did she try? No! Did she have to watch that? No! My father never tried to stop it! He was her enabler. Everyone, including my baby sister and except my husband, forget that fact. I never had time to grieve, because I was busy comforting her or comforting Dad or comforting my older sister for most of it. I had to go to school and I had to move on with my life, so I didn't have time for that. My body did that for me, and it still is. I have no sense of entitlement, unless you count respect and dignity. I believe that I have a right to be treated as an adult, who has lost her mother too, and deserves the same dignity and respect that I've given her. Instead, I get a verbal slap in the face by an ungrateful bitch who cries, but assumes that I don't deserve to. Oh, lest we forget that she fucked my Mother's obituary royally with her crappy grammar mistakes and poor sentence structure. It looks it was written by a first grader after they drank a whole bottle of Jim Beam. Wait, saying that it was written by a first grader is an insult to first graders everywhere! I was so mad that I had to write my own version of the obituary so that I never had to look at the one in the paper. I was embarrassed for my father and for the rest of my family!
Here is another example of my sister's ridiculousness: When my older sister found out she had a lump in her breast, I talked to her on the phone and I offered to be with her on the day of the tests. My little sister made a snide remark, saying that I should "call her" as if I never spoke to her at all. How would I ever throw something like that aside? I could never do that! I'm sure she put some kind of spin on what I told her about the behavior she displays toward me, but whatever. She obviously flip-flops. I have to say this, because it is really true. My older sister and I never had the "call every day" kind of relationship. I wasn't the only one who made it that way. My older sister had her own thing going and I never really pushed or pulled at all. As far as my younger sister is concerned, she just never calls me unless there is a family function or something of that magnitude. We don't talk every day either and it's another case where I wasn't the only one who made it that way. Both of them explain our relationships as "close," but I find that to be hardly true at points. I love them both dearly, but it's the truth. This is the kind of behavior that both continually exhibit. They both take advantage of me at times and I've played along for the most part. I was hurt at times, but I was always stoic about it. I just can't be stoic anymore. Don has been the only constant in my life, because he doesn't treat me like a turn key or a used piece of garbage to be thrown aside. I'm not going to be a masochist and put up with this, because I'm better than that.
My younger sister decided, without asking Donald and I, to plan Thanksgiving by making reservations at a restaurant with her in-laws. I really don't want to have Thanksgiving with her in laws. My baby sister and her husband didn't have Thanksgiving with us last year, so we're not doing it this year. I went through the whole ordeal of cooking a beautiful dinner last year. I invited them almost two months in advance. My parents came, my mother-in-law, my husband's sister and her husband came. My baby sister came for an hour and left, and her husband never even came with her. She only had a bit of dessert. She wouldn't even come to dinner. Does this mean that my husband and I should accept her invitation to dinner? My older sister didn't come to dinner either, but she had reasons that were absolutely beyond her control. The real kicker is that I live two blocks away from my little sister and I barely speak to her and I don't call her, because I really don't feel comfortable chatting with her. She's kind of ruined that for me. That happened long before my mother passed, and it's only been incensed since then. That kind of makes me feel that dinner is not a viable option. I'm actually starting to cry, because I never thought that I would ever have to write anything like this in my lifetime. It hurts me so much and I hate myself for having to say this, but it's absolutely true. I have many shortcomings, and I have made poor decisions in life. I'm trying to make up for those in the best ways that I know how. I guess I wasn't enough of an opportunist like my sisters. One day I will be happy, I'm sure. Right now I'm kind of in limbo. All I know is that I want to achieve some placidity and, sadly enough, seperating yourself is the only way to achieve that. Sorry for the extended rant. I know that it was probably overly toxic in nature and probably will leave you aghast.
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