It's Been Interesting

So far, my experience with classes has been very good. However, my experiences with financial aid has been a pain in the ass. I have been in verification for weeks now, and I have been paying for my education out of pocket. Today, in between my classes, I stopped by the administration building to speak with financial aid once more. I was then given the around about the time schedule in which my verification would be completed. I told her, "This is absolutely ridiculous! This is inept and totally unprofessional!" After that, I went home to take care of a few things before I went to my biology class. Funny enough, the schedule had the wrong room number for the course and I had ask the secretary at the Science Dept. where the class was located. Luckily, I had a very kind professor. The class went well, and she provides all of the notes online with cruiser. This is great, because I can actually enjoy the benefit of the lecture instead of playing beat the clock with the professor's power point or scrambling for every note throughout the class period. I have my first lab class tomorrow, and I am really excited. I haven't really studied biology before. I took chemistry and physics in high school. My husband was joking with me and said, "Maybe you will have to dissect a frog or a fetal pig." I'm not really nervous about that.

I have the next installment of my Shakespeare course today. I have read King John in the I and II Acts. I've taken some notes, but I would like to see her take on them. My professor moves very quickly, but I really enjoyed her last lecture. I'm going to look up some information on those acts from other sources. I figure this can give me some extra background on the material. I figure that would help once it gets down to writing a paper about the play. I'm actually nervous about it, because I've never really delved into Shakespeare in great length. We touched on it in high school, but it never really interested me that much. It always felt forced during those points in my life. In my adult years, my interests are piqued and the historical English subtext plays make it even more fun for me. The Tudor dynasty has always been my favorite subject. I've wrote a couple papers on it, and I have watched countless movies and read numerous books on the subject matter. Today, we are supposed to watch a film of King John. She did say that if the class kept up with the reading, she wouldn't have pop quizzes. I hope that the others in the class keep up with that end of the bargain.

I can't wait until October 1st! I am going to see Richard Marx and Matt Scannell at the Bergen Performing Arts Center in Englewood, New Jersey after my Biology lab class. If I haven't made any arrangements around that, I really should. Hopefully that will happen. My life has been a total wash lately when it comes to other people. I've been absent when it comes to friends and other social activities these days. Maybe I should learn to not make promises anymore, but I can't cut myself out entirely. My life is a comedy of errors when it comes to other people or at least to situations in general. I don't want anyone to feel disappointed or upset with me. Sounds pretty drastic when you think about it, but it's really true. Aside from things that are regimented, my life is incomplete when it comes to socially motivated relationships. In two words, "I suck!". That's not an exaggeration. Hopefully now that I have something else to think about, aside from the steaming pile of crap from the last couple months, I will be a better person. Although I have learned one thing this year: I refuse to kiss ass or put myself in a position where I am going to be stepped on, manipulated by ridiculous familial persons, or be used by sack of crap fair-weather asswipes. I've decided to grow something these days, and I think it's been looooong overdue!  It's called good self-esteem and pride in myself!  I'm not going to eat crappy food, I'm not going to die like my mother, I'm not going to be everyone's doormat, and I'm going to live to my fullest potential.  I think that kind of sums up my attitude after my experiences from this year. Thank you for listening to my offbeat weird and maybe even off-putting diatribe today. Love ya!

Classes

Check out this video: My First Day (Video Blog)

Philip Sayce Rocks!

If you haven't heard Philip Sayce before, you have to listen to him! This is his track called Scars, written by him and Richard Marx. It just rocks!

My First Video Blog

My First Video Blog

♥ Denise ♥ | MySpace Video

Tough On Yourself

As humans we have a tendency to be tough on ourselves.  This seems to be a part of humanity, a part of human nature in a conscious sense.  To face or address this is difficult and reforming that behavior pattern is even more challenging.  These behaviors are sometimes noticeable and some aren't.  The obstacle is noticing the problem for yourself.  For some, it may be hard to accept praise for jobs well done.  Others may never feel as if they do anything right.  Body image can also come into play when it comes to this issue.  Many men and women are hard on themselves, because they need to find perfection when it comes to the way they look. Hating yourself for getting sick, and the limitations it causes is another example.  I suffer from this prime example.  Being that I am an epileptic, I have a very specific limitation that many adults take for granted.  I cannot drive an automobile.  Driving, to me, symbolizes a sense of freedom.  Because I do not drive, I am at the mercy of others for transportation.  I've always hated myself for having such frailties that I have to rely on the aid of others.  The anger I have for myself is the red flag that indicates that I need to find some refuge from this self-unkindness.  Sometimes you don't realize how tough you are until other people point out the obstacle, and that can be the toughest indication.

Essentially, when a person is difficult on themselves, they give their body the indication that they are unworthy.  When you think this way, you cause psychological or physical problems that have to be addressed later.  I know this from experience.  Unfortunately, this can be cyclical.  Being tough on one's self is a frivolous waste of energy.  If I kept dwelling on my limitations, I would constantly feel a state of depression.  This would inhibit myself from performing my daily life.  Dwelling on your limitations sponges the life out of yourself and takes away from the positive things that life has to offer.  It can affect the way you deal with people and your relationships.  It can cause your body to feel physically ill, which is something that caught up with me lately.  Even if you are used to feeling that unhealthy and drained, you know that it's wrong on a basic human level.  Like any other bad habit, this is something that is more than difficult to shake.  Doing so takes real ambition and drive to feel better about yourself.  Realizing your triggers, noticing the signs, and being aware makes all the difference.  This makes a more positive outlook toward ourselves and the way we deal with our life in the world.

Pleasant Valley Sunday

I spent a wonderful day with my sisters, my brother-in-law, and my eldest sister's friend at a wine tasting in Allaire State Park this afternoon.  There were many different wineries that were peddling their wares in a multitude of tents scattered within the historical Allaire Village.  It was an absolutely perfect day for this, because it was not too hot and not too chilly with beautiful blue skies.  As we wandered from booth to booth, I sampled different wines from deep, rich Cabernet Sauvignons from Renault Winery to light fruity Rieslings from Hopewell Valley.  I really loved this wine called the Jersey Devil Red, because it was just the right depth for me.  I'm not really keen on white wine so much.  They had a semi-sweet Asian Pear wine that wasn't so bad.  For sweet dessert wines, that sounded perfect.  I love a good port as a dessert wine, and Renault has the best for that.  New Jersey has a really rich wine country with a variety of different wineries to choose from.  Cream Ridge winery seems to specialize in a great deal of dessert wines, and Tomasello winery also specializes in those varieties.  I loved Hopewell Valley's Barbera, because it reminded me of a full bodied yet smooth Syrah.  After meandering from booth to booth, we all began to feel hungry.  Against my better judgment, I decided to indulge on a bowl of Jambalaya with chicken and andouille sausage.  It was completely scrumptious of course.  If you are interested to find out more about these festivals click here.  The Garden State Wine Growers Association runs these events and they have more than one every year.

While I was there, I took some quick nature and historical photos here and there.  There were so many people, so it was really hard to find an angle that wasn't crowded with bodies.  I wanted to enjoy more of the park, but it wasn't meant to be.  I want to go back with Donald, take pictures, and walk down the nature trail.  All of this will be done covered in deet laden bug spray.  This way I can get more enjoyment out of the scenery without the hustle and bustle.  I hadn't been to the park since going with my Mother three years ago.  I went on that trip to do research for an English paper on Howell Works.  I don't even know if I have a hard copy of the text anymore.  I may have it on my computer somewhere along the way.  I remember having to go to the General Store to pick up some informational text for the thesis.  My Mother, who wasn't walking very well at the time, was not able to make it to the General Store.  She sat on a bench in the parking lot.  Thinking about it now, that may have been the last time she went to Allaire State Park.  I want to take some pictures of the Grist Mill and the old church.  I would also like to go there when the Blacksmith shop is open, so that I may video tape it and share it with you all.  I wish I could see all of that again with my Mother, but that ship has sailed.  I wish my Mother could have gone with us today, because she would have had so much fun.  My Mother loved going to wineries, and she loved going to places like Renault and Cream Ridge winery.  I wish she was still able to enjoy the park with me.     

The other half of my day was spent with my Dad.  I went to dinner with him and my two cousins Dianne and Bill.  We rarely get to see each other and it was nice to be able to catch up with family.  We went to Friday's for the meal, and I tried to eat as a healthful as possible.  Unfortunately, I don't think that there is anyway that you can keep from eating completely healthy in that restaurant.  It was tasty though, I must admit.  It was nice to see my cousins and I'm glad that we can still have those connections in our lives.  Family is very important, even when we don't realize it.  Right now, I am trying to learn that concept.  My body alone is trying to learn this concept, because it's rebelling against it.  It's not from not loving or caring about them, and it's definitely not about wanting to be seperated from them.  It's really just the stress between everything emassing into this huge knot.  It was nice to have two family get-togethers that made me smile and relax.  I haven't had that luxury in a very long time.  This was a very healthy day for me.  Enjoying the outdoors and getting some vitamin D from the sunshine helped too.  I don't really get that much vitamin D because, as I have said in the past, I am a vampire.  Ha!  I didn't get a sunburn, because I put sunscreen on.  I did well as a daywalker rather than a nightowl for one day.  My Sunday definitely made up for a very quiet Saturday.  It was a nice weekend.

Back to Being a College Student

Today, on this rainy gloomy Friday afternoon, I am comparison shopping for schoolbooks on the Internet.  This year, if I choose to purchase all of my academic materials from the college bookstore, I will pay more than $600.  This year I have decided to be more proactive with my money and use the ISBN numbers to my advantage.  I figure, if I am paying so much for my education, I might scale down some of the financial burden.  It's the least I can do for myself.  I'm beginning to think that paper and bindings are becoming just as expensive as gold.  I believe that the information collected within them is worthwhile, and that is completely understandable.  Unfortunately, the burden on the average student must be astronomical.  Even the tuition for the average college student costs more than the price of a modest home, in some cases.  Aside from my complaints about books and tuition, I am very much ready to attend school again.  I need to be back to my lectures and learning again.  I missed it so much and I didn't realize how much until the middle of July came.  Maybe it was the events that happened it June and what I had to deal with following it, but I desperately need this change of venue.  I have been waiting for this chance for the bulk of my summer season it seems.

I've decided to change the theme and title of my blog, being that my Summer writings have come to a close.  I think, with the circumstances as they were, I wrote a substantial amount of material.  Donald says I should have been more forthcoming, but how much of me do people really want to know about.  I figure for the most part, I will share my essays and papers from the semester along with some personal journal updates chronicling my time during this Autumn.  I've decided to take four classes this semester.  I'm taking a Contemporary Health course, a College Biology course, a Shakespeare Plays course, and a College Algebra course.  They may seem a bit mundane, but some are required.  The Shakespeare was recommended by my college adviser.  I haven't really touched on Shakespeare since high school, so this should be a whole new experience.  I'm almost a bit nervous.  I was thinking about the future of my work, and I've continued to dream about journalism.  I was reading the graduate education courses offered by the New York Times today and I was almost salivating at the prospect of having those certificates.  I still consider that type of work a pipe dream, but I can't keep myself from wishing that this particular dream would come true.

I go back to school on the seventh of September.  I pick up my books that morning, which is an ordeal.  I can't, for the life of me, understand why they wouldn't schedule the selling date one day earlier.  I'm convinced that my college just enjoys being a royal pain in the ass.   At least they let you pre-order so that you do not have to wait online for hours anymore.  I remember having to do that.  I'd rather step on a sharp thumbtack.  I've been chided because I haven't taken to joining any "clubs."  For the life of me, I haven't really seen one that has really fit.  Maybe I need to give one of them a chance.  It would definitely look good on my college transcript.  There is the school paper, but I have to see whose advising it now.  Last I remember it was Karen Bosley, a former English professor of mine.  Anyway, that is something that I really wouldn't mind helping out with a bit.  Although, I am sure that they have their share of "staff."  The campus radio station is the only other thing that I am really interested in joining.  We'll see how the semester progresses.  They usually have their stands throughout the campus during the first days of the semester.  I just want to look over my syllabi's and see how much work I'm in for before I devote myself to any other cause aside from my classes.  I'm really ready to just hit the books and spend time in the stacks this semester.  I'm excited to see how my journey goes this year.  Wish me oodles of luck!