My Holiday Feelings

 (If you do not agree with certain things that I mention in this essay, then I apologize)

Lately I have been thinking about the holidays.  I realize that this is supposed to be the "Season of Giving," but why do we have to succumb to all of these advertisements and spent such grandiose, obscene amounts of money?  I've always wondered if, rather than giving lavish gifts or any gifts at all, having a family meal or a potluck dinner where everyone shares their favorite dish instead.  It just seems that we tag this line drive of over-consumerism, rather than just enjoying the season of having friends and family together for one day.  If we did something like that, maybe people wouldn't look at their credit card statements with such disgust.  We could actually take the money we would have spent on presents and place it into a savings account.  It is kind of like being your own cog in the wheel of your financial future.  I mean that in a good way.  I'm paying down all of my credit card bills and I know that lavish gifts are a thing of the past.  I would rather cook or bake for my family and friends.  I would rather spend valuable, quality time with them.  To me, that is so much more important than a gift that may or may not be returned.

I have, in a more recent sense, equated this time of year in a very dim sort of light.  I have to say that I am not Christmas' biggest fan.  This is for more of the secular aspects than the religious aspects on their own.  The season always makes me feel worse about my own life.  Christmas was my Mother's holiday and she was the one that brought everyone together for the celebration.  After she died a year ago, I felt even more like the Grinch about the whole issue.  There isn't anything wrong with those who enjoy the meaning of the Christmas holiday celebration and, if you can believe it, I envy that festive nature.  I try my best to do nice things to remind myself that the Yuletide season is meant to find joy for your good deeds.  I've also tried to remind myself that this celebration helps to sustain you through the long, cold Winter.  This year, I decided to do the more traditional aspects of the holiday.  I decorated the tree, filled out the greeting cards, watched some classic holiday films, and even did some of my shopping.  With shopping, I kept everything to a minimum and I realized you can purchase great items for very reasonable prices just by comparison shopping.  I love the scan bar app on my Android phone, because it really comes in handy during this time of year.

Maybe this year will be different than past years.  Maybe I will find some sort of grace out of the whole situation.  Grace may be pushing it, being that I am a free-thinker and have no religious denomination whatsoever.  I guess I should call it a secular epiphany.  We'll see how that goes.  I've been looking at my holiday tree and smiling lately.  It reminds me of all the holiday celebrations that I have hosted over the years and all of the memories that my husband and I accrued during our sixteen year marriage.  It also reminds me of some of the losses that we have had over the years, but the holidays are always bittersweet that way.  My favorite part of the holiday and probably the only thing I really love is egg nog.  I love making my egg nog with a little Southern Comfort and a grate of nutmeg.  Yum!  Right now, as part of my holiday season, I am reminding myself about how lucky I am for the blessings in my life.  I have a wonderful husband, a roof over my head, two wonderful sisters, my Dad, my sweet furry babies (a.k.a my pets), and my friends.  I'm lucky enough to be graduating from school this December and getting into Kean University in Union if all goes well.  My graduation was put off for family reasons.

The holidays are a time where you find tolerance for one another, compassion for those around you, exercise selflessness, and find gratitude.  I'm learning that to relieve stress, during one of the most stressful times of the year, is to enjoy the company of your loved ones.  They say that clinging on to the spirit of the holidays helps to sustain you throughout the year.  Maybe we need to reflect on the joy of the holidays as a child.  That spirit is so pure, especially the anticipation alone.  When you are a child, the holidays seem so magical.  You have Santa and the treasure trove of gifts.  I never realized how lucky my sister and me were during those times in our lives.  Now I mark this time of year, by giving a book to a needy child every year.  Now that the holidays are just around the bend, I'm preparing myself for the occasion and trying to lessen the feelings of obligation.  I want this holiday to remind me of where I came from, why I am the way that I am, and how much I really appreciate the bond I have with my family.  I think that this is the true meaning of the season for me personally.  If you can get around the holiday obstacles, which can include arguments, I think you can actually find the whole experience quite rewarding and enjoyable.