My Friendship Quota (A Mobile Blog)

Do I have friends? You have to look at this from a very broad perspective because, I have a problem being a friend. Not that I hate people or I don't have friends, I'm just not very good at it. The term friend is very loose for me, as most of them are close, but I still feel very far away. Does this mean that I have emotional issues? Quite possibly! I have never been free with my personal feelings because, I have been hurt numerous times from being used over and over again. I figured that I would never put myself in that vulnerable position ever again, so I became unavailable. This was a safety measure that just seemed to make me feel lonely after a while. You can have the Internet, which can grant you friendships and that helped me make some great friendships but, I still keep people at arms length. My heart is very hardened when it comes to people and I don't know if that will ever change. People see me as a kind person and I try so hard to be as congenial as possible. The people that are in my life, no matter how far away they are, are people I care about. I just have a problem sharing my life with them or with anyone these days, other than Don. What happened with Mom didn't really help me at all. It kind of made it worse for me. Socializing went down to a minimum and I've become very withdrawn. How can I fix this terrible issue? I have some real soul searching to do. I have to find a way to make my life open up and find a sense of joy and fortitude. Right now, things are very grey and dim. This is not the way a person should live. I'm not going to give up hope but, I don't think I'll be that communicative for a while. I don't really have all that much to say anyway. I'll let you know when that changes.

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