My Paradise

Summertime on the Jersey Shore is such a beautiful experience. I enjoy being able to walk in the sunshine on the boardwalk in my flip-flops or walking barefoot on the beach with the sand and water between my toes. I love to hear the roar of the crashing waves on the coastline and the calls of the seagulls as they scavenge the crowded beaches. This is the very definition of paradise and I live for this annually. For most summer starts in June but, in our locale, this begins on Memorial Day. Hundreds upon thousands crowd small towns like Point Pleasant Beach, Seaside Park, Long Beach Island, and Wildwood to vacation or just for a weekend away. Every part of the country has their nicknames for tourists but, in this “neck of the woods,” we call them bennies. These people, even though they fuel commerce, are usually loathed by locals. It doesn’t help when MTV makes a show like the Jersey Shore.

My husband and I try to visit the beach at least twice a season. Our favorite beach is in Long Branch, New Jersey in a place called Seven Presidents Park. The coastline is beautiful and the boardwalk is lovely. We really love this beach, because it really isn’t that crowded. I’ve also fallen in love with the lake at Ocean County Park, which is strange, because I always thought that I was an ocean devotee. I still find joy of going to the arcade on the boardwalk just to play skeeball in summer or buying salt water taffy from the sweet shop on the boardwalk at Jenkinson’s in Point Pleasant Beach. Although we enjoy the daytime activity of the shore, the nightlife is something that we have grown out of. The other day, my husband and I had a drink at Martell's while we were on the boardwalk two weeks ago and it was still off season. The place was very quiet and we were talking with the bartender and joking about the difference two weeks will make.

I've grown up on the Jersey Shore my whole life, and I've been lucky enough to appreciate its beaches. I can remember as a little girl when my mother packed us up in the car for our sojourn to Island Beach State Park. We used to have to get up early in the morning in order to get parking. The beaches on the parkland were so popular that they would fill up by noontime. I remember the smell of coconut Coppertone suntan lotion mixed with the salt air. My little sister and I would cart our Boogie Boards down the beach and my mother would spread out the beach blanket, plop down the cooler, and open the umbrella. This practice happened several times during the season. I’ve always loved the water and I would swim for hours and hours. My mother would joke and call me the “water rat.” For some reason, my little sister had more of an issue with it. Eventually that passed once she made peace with learning how to swim.

My dream, if I ever win the lottery, is to have a house in Mantoloking right on the shore. I would want the natural wood shakes like those on the homes in the Hamptons or in Nantucket. I know that my life will probably take me in other directions, because nothing in the world ever goes as planned. I’m the master of my own destiny, but I can’t twist the fates. I would love to live out the rest of my life here on the Jersey Shore. Many people make fun of this state, but I love that I am a minute away from the Mantoloking River, five minutes from the Barnegat Bay, ten minutes from the Atlantic Ocean and twenty minutes away from the Manasquan River. I think it’s a gift that I get to live my summertime in this natural landscape and I worry about its future. Dumping and spillage have threatened the natural wonder of the shore. I'm really hoping that better ecological decisions and greener energy concepts will save our coastlines. I could never dream of leaving and if I do, my heart will always remain here.

Having a Breakdown?

I think we've all had that time where we've been walling back a wave of tension from a very stressful day, whether this be at school, work, or otherwise. Then after we finally get home to our family or alone, we have an emotional breakdown. This horrible well of emotions floats out unchecked, and without any restraint. Sometimes it's extremely difficult to not let that kind of emotion devour and deplete you. This usually happens spontaneously, and sometimes it comes on by triggers that you wouldn't even expect. Often I think that these outbursts happen in severity when you internalize for an extended period, which is why it's so important to let it all out when it happens.

Events like this can happen when you are watching a movie, or even in the most common of situations like having dinner. Many would like to classify this as a woman's issue, but that's simply not true. Men experience the same type of breakdown, but it may not include sobbing or crying necessarily. Taking a deep breath and reevaluating things after you've been emotional does place situations in perspective. It's a great place to find that center, and lessen the distress you've felt. Couple the deep breathing with gently shutting your eyes for a moment can help to relax. This is almost like a form of light meditation.

I've also found that journalling is a great release. If you write down everything that you experience from your day, you are able to chronicle and reexamine events which have occurred throughout. This is actually a therapy technique and an important way to communicate your feelings on paper. This form of expression releases tension and aids in our sense of well-being. This method keeps us free from judgment, where we can say what needs to be conveyed through our experiences. This form of catharsis is important and can help to lessen stressful outbursts. I've actually had better success with journalling and it really helped even more than therapy alone. It's part of the work in progress.

It All Began (A Fictional Interpretation of Gestation)

This is a story that I wrote for a class that I'd thought I would share. This is my interpretation of the miracle of life, purely without me ever experiencing it myself. All of this was done under the guise of scientific and fictional translation. Hope that you all enjoy it, and maybe even giggle at my lay acumen for this subject. (The humour at the end is part of the exercise)

Life began with a being smaller than the head of a pin. The immensity of the surroundings seemed to enhance the realization of it's meager size. The cells were surrounded by other similar beings that fought to grasp hold of the fleshy lifeline. This lifeline which will be the sustainer by which this cellular being's existence will depend. When the cells were implanted with sperm, they began dividing leaving one or more chances for a new life to form. On the final division, one human cell remained. This cell was ushered into the embryonic stages and it's gender was defined. As development accelerated, the human host began gazing at the being through a type of radiation. The embryo could hear emotional sounds through host's expanded abdomen when the gender was identified. The fetus was most definitely female. The fetus could feel the sensation of her giggling as it was moving through the fluid. During the time of gestation, the fluid surrounding the embryonic fetus kept it warm and safe. It's nourishment came from a small cord attached to a placental wall. Over months the fetus slowly grew from it's embryonic fetal stage and looked like the human baby soon to make it's debut. The baby's feet gently kicked the wall of the host's womb. At the last stage of fetal development, the fetus had decreased space for it's appendages to move or revolve. The peace of comfort was suddenly broken by contractions. The baby's body was sliding traumatically through a canal. The warmth and comfort of the nine month stay was coming to an end. Through a skirmish, the baby's thrust into this world came suddenly.

The first labored breath of life came with a swift and merciless cry that reddened the baby's newborn face and brought salty tears into it's eyes. This seemed to ease the tension in the space. It brought tears and soft giggles from the mother and father. The small tiny being was cleansed with warm flowing liquid and strange bubbling solution. This was done ever so gently by tall white shrouded individuals. The tiny being shook from a cold that it had never felt before. A blanket and pink hat were swiftly swaddled around the tiny form. The warm touch from an extended appendage encircled the tiny child in a soft cloth like material. The chill from the air eased, and strangely endearing coos were heard while the mother embraced the small fragile form. The father was gently handed the baby to hold as well. A small smile crossed the baby's face; it was human. The father giggled while excitedly telling the mother of his discovery. The mother quickly added, "That's not a smile; it's probably gas." After all of the labor, the mother slumbered comfortably in her bed. The magical nine months will be forgotten by the baby, but she will always remember.

Accountability

I watched the news conference today and I looked at the President's face as he proclaimed himself responsible for the cleanup and recovery of the oil explosion and contamination in the Gulf. I have to wonder why these things happen, after years and years of discussing clean fuel alternatives, why we still find ourselves drilling and drilling and drilling for oil. Now that this drilling is coming with a grave cost, now we see the word responsibility. How can one word correct the horrible damage sustained toward the natural landscape? Why do we continue this insane need for fossil fuel? According to the Daily Green, BP Officials said, "5000-60,000 barrels of oil..." leak into the natural landscape every day. If you made an accurate measurement, that would be up to 210,000 gallons per day. There are 400 different wildlife species that are threatened by this disaster according to the New Orleans Times. The amount of money to clean it up ranks into the billions. I think that ranges in the realm of more than responsibility, but at least there is a note of accountability.

I know that there are many left wing conservatives, namely the "tea party" people, who feel it is their destiny in life to call President Obama a socialist. If you listen to his speech, and you listen to his words, he uses the word bi-partisan. As a Democratic politician, he works with both sides of the coin. Although this may seem different to those who are glued to Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh's every word, because I'm sure that every speech must have subliminal messages that say Nazi or Socialist. I know that Sarah Palin hears those words but, quite frankly, I think she hears voices in the first place. I'm sure she hears terms and phrases like, "death panel," and, "I can see Russians from my kitchen window." These personalities breed fear and keep people from learning how our government can solve matters such as the environmental crisis in the Gulf. This keeps people from uniting to help the common good. We turn on each other and, rather than help each other, use petty names such as "libutard" or "socialist." FOX News, owned by CEO Rupert Murdoch, is considered an entertainment network unlike networks such as CNN, BBC News, or MSNBC and CNBC. I would rather read the newspaper, than listen to cartoonish personalities give false representations about governmental terms and functions. I'm much too educated for that. Actually, I'm much too educated for network news as a whole with the exception of NPR and BBC News.

He may not be the best leader in American history, but Barack Obama is at least admitting where his shortcomings are and that is more than I can say for some politicians in his position. Hopefully he can find a way to remedy the irrevocable harm that both Halliburton (Dick Cheney) and BP have done to our natural landscape and bring some sort of order back to the Gulf. It's not an easy situation, and I think this is a sign that we really have to break down the gate toward clean energy. We can't keep taking such dangerous and life threatening risks for sake of polluting fossil fuels. It is backward technology, and it keeps us from moving forward toward a greener, safer tomorrow. Bio-Diesel, wind energy, solar technology, and electric technology are very important steps toward cleaner, more efficient energy resources. We have to stop drilling into our natural landscape, we have to stop the fight over oil, we need to move on for the betterment of our world. We need to break free from the judgmental and prejudicial politics bred by the American media and realize that we all need one common goal of improvement.

***DISCLAIMER***

For those who would choose to object to my opinion, that's really your right. Although if you let my opinion about government dictate online friendship or friendship in general, then I guess you aren't my friend to begin with. Keep that in mind when you leave your remarks. Thanks for reading and have a lovely rest of your week.

An Evening of Nostalgic Proportions

Last night my husband and I met up with some old classmates from my elementary schooldays at Wall Central School. Gina, who has since relocated to California, is out in New Jersey for a visit and met with many people from school for dinner at the Langosta Lounge in Asbury Park, New Jersey. We had a lovely meal and talked about our teachers and fellow students. There were things that they remembered that I totally forgot, and it was great to recall those memories.

It was great to see Tracy, John, Charlie, and Gina for the first time in almost thirty years. Plus I got to meet some new faces from their middle school and high school days. I hope to be able to see them again much sooner than thirty years down the road. It was the first time that I had walked down the Asbury boardwalk in about fifteen years, and I was really surprised with all the work that they've done with the area. Especially with all the renovations by Casino Pier. Absolutely gorgeous! It was a fabulous night too, very warm and Summery! I'm very glad that I was able to reconnect with my past again.

Here are some pictures from the evening:

Do you know what Socialism means?

This is the definition of Socialism as listed in the Oxford English Dictionary:

Socialism -

A theory or system of social organization based on state or collective ownership and regulation of the means of production, distribution, and exchange for the common benefit of all members of society; advocacy or practice of such a system, esp. as a political movement.

Examples of socialized governmental systems in America:

*Public Schools
*Police Departments
*Fire Departments
*Public Libraries
*Social Security
*The United States Postal Service

Some of these projects were set in motion when Franklin Delano Roosevelt became president, and some are even older than that. So if you were using them, say hello to socialized programs dumbasses. President Barack Obama is not a socialist! Warren Buffett is his financial adviser! STOP BEING IGNORANT! Glenn Beck has you all acting like screaming infants. It's making my stomach cramp.

Raised on Television

I have had many issues with the boob tube over the years. The television had always been a staple in my house growing up. My parents were very attached to it, and it seemed as if it were part of the family. Not someone that I was necessarily close to or even that fond of as a child in fact other than the Dukes of Hazzard and The Incredible Hulk along with the various Saturday morning cartoons. Sounds weird because I was a child right? Well, here's how that feeling began to take root. My mother is addicted to soap operas, which is something that I particularly loathe. She watches Days of Our Lives and some other show which I think is called As the World Turns right at this point. When my sister and I were young children, it was Days of Our Lives, Another World, and Guiding Light. The shows were so important to her that she would kick us out of the house. In the immortal words of my mother, "Get the heck out and play; leave Mommy alone she's watching her stories." I have nightmares to this day that my mother is going to die like that lady on Nip/Tuck who was melded to her own couch watching soap operas. I'm dead serious when I say that, and I really try to wash my brain clean every time I think about it.

Now this obsession or disease, as I thought of it when I was younger, became progressively worse. Instead of just the soap operas, there were game shows like the Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune, and Card Sharks. Then if that wasn't bad enough, daytime talk shows appeared. My mother had to watch Phil Donahue and Mike Douglas. These ridiculous shows forced my sister and me to retreat further and further away from my mother. I started to hate the television! Mom didn't really play with us that much anymore. I didn't know if she realized how we felt or didn't really care that much but, nevertheless, I was insulted. Sometimes my sister and I, in an attempt to force some time with our mother, would endure the talk show garbage in the afternoon following school and homework. My little sister used to call Phil Donahue Phil "Duckahuck." The name was hysterical and kind of stuck mostly because we hated him. When Dallas, Dynasty, Knots Landing, and Falcon Crest came along, I thought television was the doom box!

Television didn't really become anything to me until the early 80's and the break of MTV. Even though I really loved American Bandstand, this was something that I was addicted to really. MTV was really music television back then, not reality tv central. It wasn't filled with shows like "The Hills" "Laguna Beach" or the "Jersey Shore." My sister and I waited for our favorite artist's videos, and enjoyed hearing new music and old classics. It was a revolution! Even though it gave radio a run for its money; it was the one thing that made me obsess about tv. I couldn't tell, at the time, whether that was a good or bad thing. At this point in my life, I realize that it was, most definitely, a cultural thing. I was part of the MTV generation and I lived for the Headbangers Ball! Music still wasn't as accessible as it is today, but it definitely made musicians have an image.

When I got older, and MTV became less about the music and more about reality shows I stopped. Other than Beavis and Butt-head, they really had nothing to offer entertainment wise. I watched sitcoms, and began to watch dramas. I was married by then, and I was in to shows like ER and Law and Order. I even watched Nip/Tuck for a time. I still avoided the reality shows for the most part. I had watched the Real World for a couple seasons, but found it worthless. American Idol gained popularity and shows like Survivor emerged. I watched Survivor for one season and was absolutely disgusted, and I watched American Idol for one season and found it to be awful. When I see shows like Supernanny, Trading Spouses, or Wife-Swap, I can help but to see the exploitative nature of this programming and the devaluing of humanity. These people are paid to act like complete and utter fools and use their families as props in front of the whole world for a few thousand dollars.

So when I got Starz, HBO, Showtime, etc., I began watching shows like the Sopranos, True Blood, Sex and the City, The Tudors and Weeds. I enjoyed these shows, not only for their creative content, but for the fact that they were commercial free. This always amazed me every time! I loved the continuous nature of the program, and the fact that the story wasn't done in a series of blurbs. I was also happy with the fact that I was able to access all of these different movies whenever I wanted. I was going to school at the time, and I quickly realized that I was paying for a distraction. The cable company decided that they weren't going to make Showtime and HBO part of the same cable package anymore. So I decided, without a blink of an eye or a bat of an eyelash, that I was going to get rid of those stations. Though I am sad to see those shows disappear, I know that I can always buy those DVD's to watch on my off time.

This past Christmas holiday my husband and I received a flat screen television from my parents. We had our other television for a very long time because we never really felt the need to update to any HD kind of thing. The only thing that changed our mind was that I was having a hard time watching Charlie Rose and BBC news. Now those programs are my weakness, but for 21 hours of the day my tv set is off. I watch Family Guy on Hulu. So my family bought this for us, and I hooked it up. Turned out I had to get a whole new cable box to accommodate this television, which was a pain in the ass. I end up listening to Music Choice, watching PBS on it a couple hours a day, and renting a couple Redbox movies a week to watch on it. I love the quality of the picture, but somehow I don't think I use it enough. To me, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I have plenty of books to read, words that I can write, ideas that I can come up with, and things I can learn in the outside world. Sometimes that's why I feel like television is a killer. It takes away the need to search for answers and it breeds fear. On the other hand, it does have its uses and you can't deny that. I think that we should only be allowed to watch PBS, but then again I would miss Bill Maher and Family Guy on my computer.

At the Table

As a kid, you always see the Norman Rockwell image of the family who sits down to dinner at the table. You would imagine this family talks about their issues that occurred throughout the day. The kids about their scholastic and athletic issues, and the wife and husband about their housework and work days respectively. Of course this has a very 1950's reference to stereotyping, but the meaning of family was there. It gave the chance for the children to communicate with each other and with their parents on one even level. For older kids, it gave the chance for the parents hear how their lives were going. I guess it's an ideal sense of camaraderie within a family dynamic. In my world, our sit down dinner happened only once a year. Sadly, for a very long time, this occasion occurred at Thanksgiving. You may be shocked to hear that, but it's true.

From my infancy to about the age of eleven years old, I lived in Wall Township, New Jersey with my parents and my little sister Lenore. We lived in a small neighborhood called Camp Evans. It was a very quiet neighborhood for the most part. My father worked full-time, and my mother was a housewife. When I was a small child, my family sat for dinner at the table. Then all of a sudden, at eight years of age, that all changed. Rather than using the kitchen table, dinner was served in front of the color television set. Meals were served on a set of television trays made of acrylic and metal. I can actually remember the faux wood finish on the surface of the trays. I can't rightly remember the exact day it happened, but I can recall sitting with my shepherd's pie on my plate and asking, "Mommy, why don't we use the big table anymore?" I remember her looking at me strangely for a moment and then she answered me coolly, "Because Mommy thinks it's too much work." I never questioned it again really, not because of the sternness of the answer, but the absolute nature of it. My mother was never really the best homemaker in the world, but she did well with what she knew and I could accept that. The funny thing is that she would bake and cook, but sitting at the table was gone.

When we moved to Brick, New Jersey, the family dynamic changed again. My parents were both working, which meant my younger sister and I came home from school alone. My father worked later, so my mother and my sister would eat dinner with me at the dining room table in the evening. For the first time in our lives, we had a dining room table. In our other home, we only had an eat in kitchen. Dad would come home to eat later. It was nice to be able to have that dynamic back, though I wish Dad was there for some of it. My mother was never the best cook in the world and I can't help but giggle at some of her meal planning from back then. She made the meal in a bag thing before they perfected it honestly and, let me say this, it was not good. Most of her meals had some form of cheese or meat in them, and were not very healthy. Even with that going for it, I'm still glad that I had that time to communicate with her and my little sister. For what it was worth, it was very important for both Lenore and me.

Today, my husband and I really try to eat together as much as we can. He works very long hours and I go to school full-time. We do not have any children, but that time together gives us time to communicate with each other. Donald will tell me about his work day, and I will give him the lowdown on my academic progress. I think the best part is that I get to cook with my husband, which is even more of a bonding experience. Cooking together is a very interesting affair and we both take joy in trying new recipes or making old favorites. To this day, Donald and I love making Thanksgiving dinner for two reasons. One because it gets everyone around one table and two we get to create something that builds love and communication through family and friends. That's the little bit of Norman Rockwell I take with me once a year. Cooking and having dinner around the table at Thanksgiving lets me know that we are still a family even though we aren't always under one roof.

A Little Bit of Something Can Look Awfully Good to You

I've been a Richard Marx fan for twenty-three years and, for those who know me, I've collected every album and have gone to many a concert over the years. Other than a couple artists in my record collection, most of the music I'd listened to was of the hard rock, hardcore, metal, and glam rock variety. In essence, Richard was kind of the odd man out back when I was a young girl. Although, he did open doors on other genres for me over time. (i.e., country music) I was very wrapped up by genres, but I think that had to with cliques at school and fitting in as well. People looked at me oddly when they found out I had a Richard Marx record and cassette in my collection. I cared at first, but after the first jab, I just laughed it off. I began to realize my individuality.

I had always been a fan of classic and southern rock and I can remember distinctly the first time I heard the words of "Don't Mean Nothing" flow through the speakers of my television set. I was fourteen years old and it was MTV's Hip Clip of the Week. The sound of the song was enamoring, and the person behind the magic was even more than I expected. Richard Marx was twenty-three at the time and, as I can recall, I had a crush on his music even before I saw his face. Once I knew who his backing musicians were, I was astounded at how a young rookie musician could bring in such veteran talent on a debut recording. Who knew that someone as young as he was, could actually play with members of the Eagles? At least that was my mentality at the time. My thoughts pertaining to that question changed very quickly. After buying that first album, I was hooked and every album since then I've enjoyed just as much as the first.

Through the fantastic musical work of Richard Marx, I was able to meet many wonderful, kind, and generous friends. These persons share my affinity, love, and passion for his music. These people join together for his charity benefit, and have made lasting bonds that transcend continents. You might say that this was a life altering experience for me, and one that I will never regret nor forget. I've always had a blast! So I hold my deepest gratitude to Richard Marx and to Cynde Greer who tirelessly runs the websites and social networking sites so that everyone can join in the fun. That may sound corny, but it's absolutely true and I'm definitely sticking to it.

"Don't Mean Nothing" is twenty-three years old today. To commemorate this momentous occasion, my friend Angie had the brilliant idea to celebrate this day as Richard Marx Lyric Status Day. To join in the fun, just post your favorite Richard Marx lyric as your status on Facebook to honor this wonderful occasion.

Lunch on the Water

Today I spent a nice afternoon with my mother and sister at the Wharfside for a luncheon. It was nice to be able to enjoy time with my family while taking in the the views of the Manasquan Inlet. I just wanted to share a picture of the beautiful harbor view I had from our table.

Travelers and Visitors

I'm so tired of people who have no idea of how to travel or how to accommodate visitors. Take for instance someone who is making a trip or a vacation, wouldn't you want to be thoroughly organized? When you plan a trip, you make sure that you have everything in order. You make sure your bills are paid, your pets are taken care of, your transportation and trip funds are set, and your accommodations are in order. If someone is coming over to take care of your home, you make sure that person is able to do so at their convenience. Schedules should be made accordingly, which includes your trip itinerary and your home schedules for housesitters or petsitters This makes your vacation carefree and easy on not only you and whomever your traveling with, but those who may be helping you back home. Here is a great link to help with travel tips by Rick Steves.

If you have someone traveling to stay for a visit at your home, you should have the home well prepared and make sure that their accommodations are well set up within in your home before their arrival or at least make sure that they are well settled in their hotel. Make sure the house is orderly and make sure that you have grocery shopped or at least planned ahead with shopping at convenient moments. I mean being on a flight is bad enough, why make guest's stay even more complicated when they arrive. Unfortunately, many people haven't any idea of how to make this work. Now I realize that some people cannot manage this task alone, but many able bodied people can at least make an effort. Why make a headache for yourself and perhaps other people around you when you can take preventative measures to make sure everything goes off smoothly. Here is a great link to help with entertaining house guests from About.com.

The Blind Side

I was watching the movie the Blind Side last night, and I was very moved by the story of Michael Oher. I knew who he was as a football player on the Baltimore Ravens. I had never heard his whole story before I had seen the film. It was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. Sandra Bullock, Quinton Aaron, Tim McGraw, Kathy Bates, and the rest of the cast were amazing! The amazing drive and strong family, that Michael Oher was able to find, sustained him and brought him all the way to the NFL. I think that type of gratitude and perseverance is absolutely astounding. There are some terrific scenes in this movie that are hard to describe without giving away the important content of the film. If you haven't had the chance to view the film yet, please take the time to rent it. It's definitely well worth the pay-per-view, netflix, or redbox rental.

Challenge

I'm trying to find an application to place on the side of the blog. This blog will have one essay every day this Summer. I figure this will keep my writing acumen sharp and it'll give me something to occupy my time. I'm not looking for anyone to read them or even understand them in any capacity, I just want to give myself a little contest. Hopefully my personal life or at least my observances will be intriguing enough to flesh out in prose. I'll know soon enough. An essay will follow later this afternoon or evening.

~D

Have I stepped the wrong way?

I'm always the worrisome sort when it comes to dealing with friends or family. It's a problem that I am trying to work through and, so far, I am not succeeding. I'm not sure why this problem arises other than I can't read a person's thoughts or motives. Understandably I'm not supposed to, but I really wish I had that upper hand. The reason for this is that I could really avoid hurting someone's feelings, falling into an embarrassing situation, or avoid being hurt myself. Other scary and often off putting situations come in the form of the silent treatment or cold treatment from friends when you aren't sure what put you in that situation in the first place.

Now I have thought of the reasons why this may happen to me and many people who really know me would definitely agree on them. I know that I let the things that I am thinking stroll out of my mouth without filtering them. That verbal diarrhea is something that I'm trying to overcome. I'm not the nicest person in the world and I can be judgmental, which is another thing I'm trying to work on. I have to make peace with my fellow human, and I think that has a great deal to do with trust issues, which would take a whole other blog to write about. I seem to find more peace with animal friendships, because they obviously don't judge me. Other than those problems, I feel that I'm a good work in progress. I can see how the aforementioned difficulties may hamper true friendships though.

The only thing that trips me up about removing certain parts of myself, is deleting parts of the honesty quotient. If there is anything that I wish I didn't have to devalue it's that part of me. The only problem is that honesty can only go so far before it gets you into real trouble. You have to blur the line between honesty and tact. You have to soften your words or at least that's what my therapist says. Yeah, I see a therapist. I think everyone should have an analyst, because everyone has a tad of the insane that needs to be debunked and reevaluated. Lately, the work in progress is coming along and my life is swimming quite stealthily. If I could read minds, my hierarchy of needs would be totally met. HA!

Where does my faith go?

Somehow I'm sure that people will think a little less of me for what I've said in this piece, and that's understandable. We've all come with a certain structure in our lives. Everyone has a right to condemn or understand.

I haven't always been able to think in tangible terms when it comes to what I believe in or where I place my faith. It's only been in the last fifteen or so years that I have strayed toward the logical rather than the spiritual side of life. This, of course, is due to many different factors. It's not that I didn't find the comfort factor displeasing or that I didn't feel that there were rewards to looking toward something greater than myself, I just hit a wall. This wall was the factor of logical reasoning. I've never been a creationist, and I've always believed in science. The spiritual nature of myself just seemed to overlay and cloud some other aspects of my life. Then, when I decided that form of spirituality wasn't for me, I tried another form that was older and seemingly more tolerant. Again, I found myself alien to the notion of following the dream of this perfect hereafter. I will say this about working toward perfect enlightenment, it doesn't really seem as harsh as the heaven/hell/purgatory system.

So when I left that behind, after many health maladies and emotional rollercoasters occurred in the interim, I started to think that maybe I could go it alone. I could look to permanent fixtures to sustain me and, rather than worship them, be thankful they exist. I was skittish about this concept at first, mostly for the ramifications that could occur among friends and family. I want to say, first and foremost, that I applaud those who have the dedication and freedom to believe in something so strongly that it holds them through the troubled times and gives them a reason to carry on. I can understand why you worship and give thanks for those types of blessings. That is the true definition of monotheism or polytheism. I think that part of my soul has fallen away from me, or at least if my soul is really called a soul.

I believe in giving to my fellow human, loving with the emotions that I have been provided with, treating others the way they would treat me, and trying to be the best human that I can. I have frailties and I can accept that, and that's the true meaning of DNA. I was created in someone's image, the image map of someone's chromosomes. It's kind of interesting and awe inspiring when you think of the complexity of it all. To me, that's as God-like as it gets. To think that we have all of this intricate design in one human package is astounding. Certainly that is something to believe and behold!

My First

What is the first career that you thought to pursue when you were little? We all think of the fantasy jobs of being a ballet dancer if you are a girl or a fireman if you are a boy. Those scale up when you become a teenager, and your goal is to become an actress or fashion model if you are a girl or a rockstar or motorcross racer if you are a guy. These pursuits are less than practical and, more often that not, our way of being creative. It's when we near the end of high school and start college that we begin to think about the possibilities of our future. In the last four years, I've attended college to continue my education in my thirties from where I left off in my irresponsible teenage years. I've noticed that there is a definite percentage of students who still feel indefinite about their futures, even now that they or their parents are paying for their education. This indefinite major is called liberal arts. This degree really doesn't constitute toward any program of sorts; it's almost as if you are wandering aimlessly through junior college the same as you did high school. Not all students take this path; some are more definite. Many take careers in law enforcement, education, or some other program of study.

Right now, I am getting a degree in English, which I may change. I've actually been looking into the criteria for becoming a librarian. I never really thought about that career in the past, but recently it has become more appealing to me. The funny thing is, I am not as young as most of the people I study with and I don't have the age luxury they do. Hopefully that will not play out to my detriment. With the economic climate as it is today, the present state of the world isn't very kind to thirty years and over seeking employment. The only other profession that I could see myself occupying is the position of writer. Sadly, this position is a crap shoot for the most part and I don't know if I am up for that gamble. Today, I decided to start this blog in order to push my reality onto the written word with joy of sharing my hacksaw prose. (I have to push in the obligatory LOL) I'm not a perfect person, I'm not perfect looking, and sometimes I'm pretty disgruntled, but I try to make the best of what I was given. Hopefully that will be good enough to share with all of you.