Easter Memories

Today, even though I had a great brunch with family, I was feeling so ill at ease. It night seem strange, because you are supposed enjoy the time with your loved ones. As I got my first cup of coffee, I realized that my husband was at work today and my mother was gone. It felt so irregular without my Mother-in-Law Linda, and the rest of the family as well. Just so many differences. My mother loved Easter, and still bought candy for us, even as we became adults. Of course that candy, eventually, came with flowers as we grew up. My Mother-in-Law would have dinner with us and my Father-in-Law, Sister-in-Law, and Brother-in-Law, and Mom would have Dad, Lenore, Tim, Don and I for brunch at the restaurant of our choosing earlier that day. I can even recall when I was a kid going to Easter breakfast at my grandmother's house. That was always an elaborate banquet of food.

The wind up for Easter, in my family, was never the same pomp and circumstance as Christmastime, although you had the annual Allaire State Park Easter Egg Hunt, which was always fun. You had your visit to the Easter Bunny, which resulted in a coloring book, maybe some candy, and a healthy fear of people in rabbit costumes. Most of them just smelled like dust and pee. Santa, was much the same in the smell department, with a less menacing face. Santa got NORAD and transportation to deliver frivolous amounts of toys, and the Easter Bunny encourages the consumption of tooth rotting, weight gaining candy by giving baskets of it away.

Easter was easy, because I didn't have to make a list. Christmas is when you poured through the Toys "R" Us circulars and chart which toys you absolutely wanted under that tree. Most of the time parents just picked the ones they could afford or chose evenly for the both of us and then call it quits when it came to that holiday. Whereas on Easter, they pretty much bought two gorgeous baskets and a basket in the middle to share. I used to call that the community basket. A great deal of the candy was Russell Stover, which was Mom's favorite. I'm convinced it was her segue into sampling some of the marshmallow bunnies.

Everything, when it came to these points in the year, was surrounded with love and, even though I'm not religious, I still feel that void. Holidays were a special time for my Mother and she took great pains to make everyone feel special. She had this unwavering faith that everything she did had a purpose and that a higher power always had a plan for everyone. I don't think that's true, because she definitely had her own order. The holidays were always the way she planned them, even when I was hosting them, and it seems so alien to have it any other way now.

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Waste of Money

I have to ask this question:  Why the hell would anyone spent their hard earned money on a ticket to see Charlie Sheen's one man show?  I was watching some news clips and there was one man who spent $300 on a ticket to see that moron.  That is ridiculous!  What happened to sensibility?  Did it fall out the fucking window and hit the ground twelve stories below?  He was booed and half of his audience left on his first trip to the Radio City Music Hall.  I do have a humorous little tidbit from his most recent "winning" second performance in NYC:  James Lipton asks, "What is your favorite curse word?" Charlie Sheen responded, "Either 'fuck' or 'Denise.'"  I never knew that my name was bangin' enough for a curse word but, hey, you never know.  More or less that corresponds with his intense hatred of Denise Richards, which is more of a violent thing.    

Traveling Through Life

Sometimes you go through the inner discussion in your life where you say, "Who am I?  Where did I come from?  Where am I going?"  You get to that point where you ask questions, such as those, about the value of your life and it's goals.  During our lives, most of us want to conceptualize the way our lives will work out.  We want to know the places that we'll go and we try to make these foolproof master-plans.  This comes from the basic need to be healthy, happy, successful, and prosperous.  It's a natural human instinct that we all aspire to no matter what situation we come from.  We have different versions of what those terms might be, but they all have a common thread.  When life takes a person to a place they don't necessarily plan on, we feel this gravity of a mistake or something has gone wrong.  This can often be disheartening and discouraging to a person, but can cause the rudimentary human trait to reason why this happens. 

Going through trials and tribulations creates a sense of reality.  The hardest parts in our lives train us to form gratitude and a sense of humility.  Sometimes the obstructions, our weariness, our experiences, and our situation in life can change the course, but you get the education of the adventure.  Life is fickle and subject to change no matter what outlines or planning we put into it.  Buddhists say that you have to rest with the fact that nothing is permanent, and that is a hard thing to swallow.  As humans, we love to cling onto everything, but you can't take everything with you.  Learning to let go is the hardest part and even if you dedicate most of your life learning that discipline, you still may never truly get it.  The true learning experience is that we can stopping worrying about what needs to happen and focus on being flexible as a person.  You can achieve your goals, even though there are some curves and obstacles you must travel along the way.  Learning to enjoy the trip is the best part of living. 

I'm Going to Miss Radio

I am so going to miss my radio station job here at the college when the semester ends!  I'm sitting here right now behind the mic and really loving what I do here.  I get to play my favorite tunes and share them with as many people who will listen, plus I get to share my banter here and there.  It's the best opportunity that I've been allowed to have here on campus.  I don't think that I will be following through with it as a profession, but I will never forget how happy this has made me.  I've been lucky enough to be able to do some charity work through this as well.  Next semester, I will have a whole new journey to embark on, but these are memories that will always stay with me.  I'm more than thankful that I can have this much fun right now.  I've even plugged my favorite singers and artists on here, which has been great fun.  I get to play everything from metal to country to rhythm and blues, without a set format.  It's my dream playlist of all time.  Nothing is ever perfect and that's college radio, but I've learned a great deal from the experience.  I've gotten a chance to use equipment that I've never tried before and I've put my public speaking skills to the test.  Definitely one of the best times of my life.

The Second Half of My Education Continues

I was accepted to Georgian Court University today.  I don't know if I should feel all that excited about it, being that it is a local university, but I think it's pretty big in scale.  Tonight, I am going to fill in all of my FAFSA information and make my appointment with advising.  I have only one obstacle standing in my way, a math class.  They want me to take Survey of Mathematics to round out my requirements.  Now this isn't a big deal to me.  I would rather do this than calculus or statistics, so I'm not really complaining or grumbling all that much over the issue.  There are many other issues that I have to deal with when it comes to preparing for this school that are far more challenging than my last Ocean County College requirement.  Of course, these issues have nothing to do with my academic life.   There are things that I will miss about coming to OCC, like my radio work at Viking Radio, but there will be other things to occupy my time I'm sure.  I never thought that I would be doing all of this in my late thirties, but better late than never at all.  I have a classmate in my Biology class who is older than me and she is taking classes so that she can go into the biomedical field.  I find that even more inspiring to me, because it gives me more incentive to pursue my dreams.

The thing about OCC is that it's not really like a university in that it's a very relaxed atmosphere when it comes to most curriculum, grading, and classroom environment.  In fact, not to criticize some of the instructors that work at this institution, I think some of them just come here to teach part-time as a means of not fully retiring or not dedicating themselves to a full workload.  I have an instructor like that this semester, and I feel like I'm really not learning all that much from a lecture perspective.  All of the literature from the course, that I read on my own time, makes up for most of it.  So I have to take into consideration that my next step isn't Hooper High, it's a real university.  Not all of the instructors from OCC are like this though, because I have some really wonderful professors over my time here.  These are the people who really cared about their students and taught me.  My favorite English professor at OCC, William Kanouse, improved my writing skills by one-hundred-fifty percent.  Unfortunately, Prof. Kanouse passed away a few years back.  He was the toughest teacher I've had, but I learned a great deal.  My former Shakespeare professor, Dr. Botein is awesome too!  I really found a new interest in the plays through her class.  I'll miss classes like those.  There are good and bad apples, as they say, wherever you go.

I had gone through different choices about what to do with the rest of my educational career and I have come down to two different paths.  One is to pursue an English/Education degree that I can use to teach with, and the other is pursuing Journalism, which is very uncertain.  I have been accepted into the teaching program at the Woman's College at Georgian Court University, but I am going to minor in communications and journalism.  I want to keep those hopes alive in case I want to change majors sometime in the future.  The bonus with going into their teaching program is that I get the inclusive courses in the No Child Left Behind program, which will add to my certifications.  This will be a tough course-load, but I am willing to work hard.  I realize that all of the radio dreams and all of that will not be part of my future right now, but you never know how things will change later on.  I'm not completely counting it out right yet.  I'm really excited about my life right now and I can't wait to be a student at GCU.

A little catch up :)

It's been a very busy time for me lately and I haven't really written anything on this blog in quite a while.  With that thought in mind, I thought that I would make a little journal post to catch everyone up on everything that I have been doing and everything that has occurred since I've last written on here.  As you all know, I have finally come to my last semester at Ocean County College.  Finally I raised enough courage to sign up to Georgian Court University, and I am waiting for my acceptance letter.  Hopefully that will arrive sometime soon.  If it does, I may actually follow up and register for classes.  Hopefully there won't be so many issues that will get in my way of following through with the other half of my education.  They were really helpful at the admissions office.   I wanted to get my time-sheets from the radio station so that I can list them as my clubs.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out for the best, because I am really nervous about all of it.   I was thinking about life decisions over the past month.  Mostly because of rite of passage and its many forms.  I realize now, and I really tossed and turned over my life for a while, that I'm comfortable with my husband, my pets and I as a little family.  I love that I am pursuing a bright new future and that I'm broadening my horizons every day.  I couldn't imagine climbing up a mountain and achieving so much, only to stop at its precipice and turn around.  I would die inside and nothing could ever spell reward in lieu of losing your best chances.

My cat Stubby has Diabetes Mellitus.  I found this out a couple weeks ago.  My husband and I have to give him insulin twice a day and keep him on a special diet.  We noticed that he was losing a great deal of weight even though he was eating and drinking a lot.  My husband thought it was a change of diet, but I just knew it was something more.  When he became listless, we took him straight to the vet.  I thought it was either cancer or his kidneys.  I never, in a million years, would have pegged Diabetes as the cause.  So far, they have upped the dosage once.  Hopefully, this new dosage will do the trick.  He seems to be more lively and putting on a bit more weight.  I'm hoping that it will stay on that course.  Stubby goes back to the vet in a couple weeks to be tested for his blood sugar levels.  I really wish that I could test those with one of those glucose meters that you can get from the drug store.  This way I would know sooner, plus I would save money.  Stubby even has his own prescription plan from Walgreens now.  It does reduce the costs of the insulin and other products needed for the injections.  

I had to do some DJ work for my station's Anything But Clothes Dance Party.  This thing has been sitting in the works for what seemed like ages.  Finally, on the 11th, it finally proceeded.  You would think that with all of the preplanning that it would have gone off famously.  It was the absolute opposite.  Aside from the fact that we gave the homeless people who attended a good time, we had barely anyone who attended the event.  We barely raised any money at all.  I felt really embarrassed honestly, because the people who ran the organization deserved more than what they received that evening.  For what it was worth, at least I was able to get some new pajamas and slippers out of the deal.  The food, even though some of it was provided by Fridays and the Olive Garden, was quite terrible.  I was never really reimbursed for anything that I purchased for the event either, which pisses me off so unbelievably.  Here is the bottom line:  What was considered to be preplanning, was never preplanning at all.  It was all done on the fly.  It was a shame that it all turned out that way.  I don't really blame anyone really, because it was just poor planning.  I blame some of the difficulty on Student Life and some on misguidance in general.

I have been on an Amy Tan kick lately.  I have never read her novels before until recently.  I don't really know why honestly.  I guess I just never thought about it.  I started with the Bonesetter's Daughter and now I am reading the Joy Luck Club.  The next one I want to read is Saving Fish From Drowning.  I get on kicks when it comes to writers.  I thrive on novelists like Maeve Binchy, Amy Tan, Jhumpa Lahiri, and Lisa See.  Stuff that's not too hokey or too cotton candy for my liking.  I tried reading that type of stuff over the last four years and was very disappointed.  I'm gearing up to buy a copy of Jane Eyre to read again and a copy of Madame Bovary.  I have a study group for a project that is being done for my Communications Law class.  We have to research and discuss a libel case for a presentation during class time.  So my group went to the library with me.  For some of them, and these were second year students, it was the first time that had even entered the school library.  I was stunned honestly.  I couldn't even believe that someone couldn't even utilize the library.  I was told, "What is the use of the library, when you have the internet?"  To which I replied, "How could you not find the time to read or use books for research at all?"

I had a very nice Spring Break.  I spent most of the time with my husband and enjoyed having some leisure in my life.  On the weekend, I went out on Saturday dancing with my sister at Club Ego and then on Sunday, we went to Philadelphia for the day.  We had lunch at Joy Tsin Lau and enjoyed facials at Angel Natural Beauty, then we went to South Street to do some shopping.  I bought my husband's birthday gifts while I was there.  It was nice, because I was able to do that without him being around to snoop.  The facial was especially relaxing.  My skin felt awesome afterward, although I could've done with less steam.  They were trying to push some of their products to sell on me, but I wormed out of buying any of that crap.  I can buy all of that where I live.  No reason for me to spend all of that overhead in another state.  I'm back at school now, and I'm glad to be back in the swing of things.  I've got my new glasses that I'd ordered and I can see much better now.  I'm also writing this from the brand new Mac computer in the library lab.  I'm loving it!

Springtime

I'm feeling my best right now and the reason is simple.  It's the month of March!  As the last frosty remnants of Winter begin to depart, we begin to see this natural renewal.  Being that Spring is right at our bootheels, we feel this unavoidable need to unclutter our lives.  During the Winter, we accumulate and store just as anyone would as we insulate ourselves from the cold in our homes.  It's when the warm winds blow that we feel the need to unburden ourselves and commense Spring cleaning.  This is the season that we allow ourselves to open the windows, wear short sleeves, and enjoy the beauty of the outdoors.  We feel the urge to eat fresh fruits, go to farm markets, and arrange fresh flowers.  The season that we feel the warmth of the sunshine and the glow of the verdant green landscape.  Spring is that magical time that lets me take a deep breath and feel alive.  Springtime is the poetic inspiration that shows that maybe we might too change, release the burdens of the past, and move on to a brighter future.  The earth cycle of renewal is the magic that we are all lucky, as humans, to behold.